♥ I L0ve Y0u , Endlessly ♥

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

morniing wen ii wake upp, iim still cryiing, agaiin n agaiin. stop n cry, stop n cry. why must everyone make a deciisiion fer miie? iin tiis matter, iin the fiirst place, ii dunno aniithiing at all, euu all are the one deciide everythiing. after tat, euu all jus throw tat ans to miie, and thiing happened till now, wat can ii still say? ii can onlii quiietly accept everythiing. ii dubb even got the chance to fiight back. why no one had ever thiink of wat ii wan? realii care fer moii feeliing?
iim not a kiid, ii know how to deciide thiing moii self. haiis.
now tat he iishx liike treatiing the same as the past, but was iit jus goiin to last fer a short periiod of tiime? and wat happen? how cum suddenly everythiing changes? now wat kiind of relatiionshiip are we haviing? temp separate, break off or everythiing continue liike nth happened before? can aniione tell miie? why everytiime wat's goiin on, ii oso dunno dde? no one seem wanted to tell miie the truth lorrs. or iishx he jus dubb wan miie to pass our's 3 month alone n sad? tat y liike tat. haiis. who can tell miie the ans, tell miie the truth, tell miie wat's goiin on? please dubb keep everythiing frm miie k? please!!!

That's When I Y0u

2:48 AM

Monday, January 29, 2007

moii feeliing now ii realii dunno how to say. moii tears cant stop droppiing. wat can ii say now? wat can ii do now? he choose to let go lerrs. how unwilliing ii am. but wat can ii do?

ii feel the hurt, ii feel the paiin. heart was jus bleediing non stop. too manii why iin moii heart now.
Why must he treat miie sooo unfaiir?
Why he wanna choose fer miie?
Why he choosen a path tat ii dubb wan?
Why diidnt he thiink of moii feeliing?
Why end up the promise, the riing seem to meant nothiing to hiim?
Why he can jus let go of everythiing soo easily?
Why wen the tiime ii feel liike lettiing go, iishx hiim the one telliing miie sooo manii thiing, but end upp iishx hiim the one choose to let go?
Why wen ii wanna hold on, ii keep hangiing on, workiing hard fer our's relatiionshiip yet he choose to let go?
Why choose to let go after wentiing thru soo manii thiing?
Why 2 more days to our's 3 months lerrs, and he choose to let go?
Why must he pushiing miie away agaiin n agaiin?
Why must he askk moii frenz n siista to get miie n boii back tog or get miie a new guys wen he know who ii wan iishx onlii hiim?
Why till now he still dubb understand how ii feel, dunno wat ii wan?
Why? why? why?
ther's realii a thousand, a million why iin moii heart now?
ii nv blame aniione, ii nv blame hiim, ii nv blame moii mum, the onlii one ii blame was myself.
fer briing hiim sooo much unhappiiness, pressure n stress. blamiing moii self fer not beiing a gud gf fer hiim.
iishx all moii fault. iim the one who cause thiing to end upp liike tiis, who can ii still blame?
temp separatiion iishx no diifferent frm breakiing bba. iishx jus tat they are sayiing iit iin a beta way.
ii got no more chances to treat hiim gud, ii got no more chances to take care of hiim, ii got no more chances to share hiis happii n unhappiiness wiith hiim lerrs.
ii know our's story iishx cumiing to the end lerrs, jus tat ii dubb wanna face the fact, iim runniing away.
ii dubb wan, ii realii dubb wan the deciisiion he make. ii dubb wan to let go. ii dubb wan.
please dubb treat miie iin tiis way.. ii realii cannot make iit lerrs. ii realii cant hold moii tears lerrs.
where iishx all the happiiness? where iishx all the promiise euu gave?
ii realii had nv loved sumone sooo deeply before dde. but why wen ii realii found sumone ii loved soo deeply, end upp he still choose to leave agaiin n agaiin?

euu wan miie to bbe happii but tiis iisn't the way to make miie happii. iim jus goiin back to the startiing poiint. waiitiing fer ur return bba.
maybb after ii came back frm hong kong, euu alreadii wiith sumone else lerrs bba. but i'll still waiit. coz ther alreadii no space iin moii heart fer the other lerrs.

can euu understand the feeliing of falliing sooo hard, can euu iimagiine how hurt iit iishx wen out of a sudden, every promiise, everythiing becum nothiing, the whole world becum dark. ur loved one walkiing further away frm euu, wat euu left wiith was onlii the memoriies wiith hiim.

iif now ii tell euu, ii dubb wan the deciisiion euu make? wat will euu saiid? iishx ther anii turniing back? can euu please realii liisten to the words frm the bottom of moii heart mahhs? can euu please let miie deciide moii self? ii will guaii dde. tiis whole week, ii nv quarrel wiith moii mum at all lorrs, she askk miie do wat ii oso do fer her. nv show anii attitude, even after ii know wat she told euu. ii still treat her verii gud. no matter how pek chye ii am, how bad mood ii am, ii still talk to her nicely. whiich iishx tiis nv happened iin the past before dde lorrs. now she oso treat miie verii gud lerrs, liike the past lerrs. care fer miie alot lorrs, tiis whole week, she nv even scold miie at all lorrs. ii promiise ii will continue to bbe guaii liike tiis whole week dde.

That's When I Y0u

1:36 AM

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Saw the msg euu send to qq lerrs. Sorrii fer makiing euu sooo pressure n stress. Perhaps lettiing go iishx the beta way bba. ii dubb wanna c euu stress n pressure aniimore lerrs. promiise miie, no matter wat dubb cry coz of miie k? not worth dde. iim jus sumone tat onlii make euu pressure n stress.
actually ii heard wat euu saiid on the phone whiich iishx the word euu saiid verii softly dde. ii dunno diid ii heard wrongly mahhs. haiis.
as fer tat few questiion, ii dunno why are euu askiing iit. but moii ans was, iif euu realii choose to bbe a flirt, ii will choose to break and waiit fer the day euu realii wanna settle down n cum back lorrs.

ii would liike to tell euu, iif euu realii wan miie to bbe happii, tiis iisn't the way. jus bbe who euu used to bbe. dubb make anii changes.

Sorrii everyone tat ii choose to used liquor to numb moii self, to runaway frm everythiing, sorrii tat ii hold back moii tears n act as iif iim ok iinfront of all of euu.Sorrii fer the verii fake smile ii gave. Sorrii fer makiing everyone worrii fer miie.
the real miie n moii tears will onlii bbeen shown out wen iim all alone at home. everyniite ii was cryiing moii self to slp.

maybb moii thiinkiing now miight bbe selfiish, but iif he realii sooo pressure n stress, ii rather bear all the sadness, carry everythiing n choose to bbe the one to saiid let go. ii beliieve the one who saiid tiis word dde will sure bbe the one tat iishx most hurt n sad dde. ii dubb wan iit to bbe hiim. Sorrii, iin the fiirst place ii shouldnt choose to let euu know iim still waiiting fer euu, ii shouldnt fiight fer ur return. iif iin the fiirst place, ii diidnt do sooo, perhaps euu will bbe more happiiler dden now and can fiind sumone beta bba.

lastly, ii wanna tell euu, euu wan miie let go fer euu and fiind a beta guy riite. ii will let go iif one day ther left wiith no choiice but to let go. but ii wun fiind other guy lerrs, frm the day euu entered moii heart, moii heart had bbeen locked upp lerrs. ther no more space fer other lerrs, iit's iimpossible fer miie to fiind sumone else lerrs.

Our's Love Path Is A Tough One.
Can We Continue To Go Thru Everything Together?

3 more days to our's 3 months, until now euu still dubb understand how ii feel, dunno wat ii realii wan mahhs?

That's When I Y0u

6:23 AM

Saturday, January 27, 2007

ii dunno how to say how ii feel now. moii miind iishx all blank. feel liike cryiing sooo much now, but jus cant shed a tears. perhaps moii tears had alreadii driied upp bba.

thiinkiing of lettiing go of everythiing today, but at tiimes, ii dubb bear, realii dubb bear to let go of euu n the everythiing between us. 3 months tiimes, not a verii long periiod. but how much had we gonez thru? now even moii mum iishx hangiing miie over to euu lerrs, askkiing euu to take gud care of miie lerrs. sooo how am ii goiin to let go? deep iinsiide moii heart, the love fer euu iishx still there. iit's was liike craved deeply lerrs. ii choose to continued lerrs. but end upp euu telliing miie euu are goiin to thiink, giive miie an ans tml. now are euu goiin to choose to let go? euu saiid, euu dubb wanna c miie liike tiis, but iif euu realii choose to let go, am ii realii goiin to bbe more happiler dden now? the ans will confirm bbe no. wat euu n other's c frm the outsiide miight not realii bbe how ii feel iinsiide moii heart. iin moii previious post, ii saiid lerrs, ii dubb wanna aniione to choose fer miie. ii know verii clearly, whiich deciisiion should ii make iishx the one tat ii will feel more happiler.
to euu,the everythiing between us, our's love, our's promise, our's memoriies realii can jus let iit go sooo easiily mahhs??
to miie, ii cant, realii cant. iin the past till now, no matter how tiired ii am, how much ii feel liike lettiing go. ii still hang on. euu n the everythiing between us realii meant too much to miie lerrs n ii know ii wun bbe happii iif ii realii let go dde. moii deciisiion was not wrong at all. coz the tiime wiith euu ii realii verii happii. iishx the happiler moment iin moii liife. whiich relatiionshiip wiith no problem, no hurt, no sadness? why cant we continue to go thru the every problem tat will bbe happeniing iin the future tog?

iif euu realii wan to c miie happii, let miie deciide moii self, let miie choose moii self hao mahhs? ii went thru sooo manii thiing jus waiitiing fer the day euu are back to miie, love miie wholeheartly. now fiinally euu are back lerrs. are euu goiin to leave agaiin?? are euu goiin to leave miie alone agaiin?

iif euu choose to leave miie once agaiin, no matter wat the reason was. ii will go back to the startiing poiint. waiit fer euu to return once agaiin. moii heart iishx locked upp. euu're the onlii key. one n onlii key. moii heart will always go wiith euu dde, to watever place euu go.

Can euu c how much ii love euu?
Can euu c how much ii dubb wiish to lose euu?
Can euu realii jus let everythiing go sooo easily?
Are euu goiin to step out of moii liife again?

4 more days to our's 3 months lerrs. euu realii wanna let go???

That's When I Y0u

12:16 AM

Friday, January 26, 2007

iit's alreadii 3.50am lerrs, but ii still cant get to slp. lots of thiing iin moii miind. haiis. empty promiises agaiin, say wanna cum fetch miie sooo manii tiimes lerrs, but end upp wiith diisappoiinted. forget iit bba. maybb he iishx rather busy or tiired bba. should bbe more understandiing bba. as moii work place iishx rather far, n he dubb realii know the actual locatiion mahhs.
jus now talk to yiing abt moii problem fer quiite long, she askk miie why choose to love a person till sooo xiinku. get moii liife sooo miiserable. but to miie, love iishx sumthiing tat u have to use ur heart n bulid everythiing upp, should giive n take. iin every relatiionshiip there will hurt, sadness n sorrows dde, iif ther no kiinda of thiing iin a relatiionshiip dden iit's not consiider as love lerrs bba.
yiing askk miie ii treat hiim still not gud eluff mehhs, she nv seem aniione around her treatiing theiir bf sooo gud dde.
honestly, ii thiink ii treat hiim wasnt gud eluff, iit's can still bbe beta dde lorrs. iif ii still got the chance to do sooo, ii swear ii will treat hiim as gud as ii can.
liing told miie tat day, she saiid, she rather ii choose to go back to boii dden eddy, coz at lease wiith boii ii wun bbe sooo sad n iishx beta to fiind sumone tat love miie more dden ii love hiim.
but ii no longer have anii feeliing fer hiim lerrs, how can ii go back to hiim, how can ii let go the everythiing wiith eddy now wen ii had alreadii fall sooo deeply.
sooo wat iif ii go back n he treat miie liike priincess? ii dubb love hiim lerrs, thiing will end upp more worst. both of us wun bbe happii n will bbe verii xiinku dde. iit's unfaiir to hiim too.

tat day liing told miie wat her's xiiao jiiu tell hiim, he saiid, sumtiime wen ppls tot tat they love sumone but actually iit's was jus sum kind of rely.
and ii thiink back n ii finally realise actually ii had nv love boii before. iin the fiirst place the reason ii stead wiith hiim, iishx wanna used hiim to help miie forget rj. as tiimes passes by he treat miie verii gud, settle everythiing fer miie, pamper miie liike priincess n slowly by slowly ii started to rely on hiim more n more. all along, ii tot iishx love but iit's not true.

but now ii know iit verii clearly, as fer eddy, ii realii love hiim, iishx not a kiind of rely. haiis.

ii dubb wanna cry, ii dubb wanna say aniithiing coz ii realii dubb wanna giive hiim more pressure n stress hiimself more. iinfact, ther lots of questiion n words ii would like to askk n tell hiim, but ii realii dunno how to say. iin another senses, ii was afraiid to askk, coz ii was afraiid to get a ans a dubb wanna heard. perhaps everythiing iim doiin now, iincludiing not iinsist to meet hiim even iif ii miiz hiim lots, iishx a kiind of runniing away bba. ii admiit iim sumone who would face the facts dde, will try to runaway. tiis iishx why wen iim sad, ii always feel liike driinkiing, ii know iit's useless iit's will jus hurt moii health, but tiis the onlii way to run bba.

iinfact, ii should bbe happii coz ii off tml n meetiing hiim, can accompany hiim fer the whole day, but iim not, coz ii dunno wat emotiion should ii use to face hiim n hiis bro. ii know tml no matter wat ii wun bbe happii dde, but ii wouldnt wan aniione to know tat iim sad, ii deciided to act as iin iim happii, ii know iit's will bbe verii xiinku, but ii try moii best bba. haiis.

the onlii ans ii wiish to know the most was,
do euu still love miie?

5 more days to our's 3 months lerrs. dubb dare to iimagiine how tat day will bbe.

` mrsEDDY `
` 04.25 `

That's When I Y0u

3:44 AM

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

todday feel sooo tiired n unwell. wake upp verii early to go to moii offiice. bad mood fer todday oso.
at fiirst goiin to hiis house dde. but end upp he say he was tiired. dden miie deciide not to go over to diisturb hiim, let hiim rest early bba.
end upp he oso msg miie saiid thiink todday not meetiing miie lerrs coz he verii tiired. dden fiine lorrs. he say ii sure angry dde.
ii not feeliing angry at all. wat ii feel was sad larrs. todday kept thiinkiing of tat msg yiing use hiis hp send dde. realii wiish tat msg iishx realii he send iit siincerly frm hiis heart, but wen he told miie "you thiink iishx ii send dde mehhs? iishx ur siista send dde"
ii was sooo diisappoiinted n sad larrs. haiis. but suan lerrs larrs. wat can ii still do?

todday ii deciided lerrs, frm now onward, even iif he iishx treatiing miie cold or nv meet. ii wun even saiid a siingle word. no matter how sad n how much ii miiz hiim, ii oso wun say a word lerrs.
perhaps ii should let hiim have hiis own private tiime n space bba. giiviing miie sumtiimes oso bba. perhaps after tiis periiod of tiime, our's love will grow stronger bba. but iif thiing end upp to bbe negatiive. hiis feeliing fer miie fade, ii can onlii blame moii self fer not beiing a gud gf fer hiim bba.
but no matter wat happen iin the future, now let put iit a siide fiirst bba. as fer now, ii jus hope to giive both of us sumtiime, wun say a word no matter wat, wouldnt wan hiim to bbe too stress coz of miie.

fer those to care fer miie, realii wanna know how ii doiin recently n moii real feeliing, jus refer to moii blog bba. ii will jus post iit iin moii blog. coz ii know, he wun cum n viiew moii blog lerrs bba.

ii will carry everythiing all by moiiself frm now onward, wun rely on aniione else, wun bother aniione else lerrs.
learniing to keep moii feeliing now.
ii will always love euu even iif euu are not miine aniimore.

6 more days to our's 3 months lerrs, will ii bbe happii on tat day?
will iit bbe a happii day, or will iit bbe a sad day?

That's When I Y0u

9:27 PM

todday, ii was iin a verii bad mood fer the whole day. feel liike cryiing sooo much, but cant shed a tears. especiially workiing, ii was feeliing verii unwell, haviing slight fever, sore throat, headaches, gastriic paiin and diizzy. moii whole body was sooo weak plus moii mood damn down, ii dunno wat iim thiinkiing n doiin, even lost the customer give miie dde 50 dollar lorrs. haiis. damn pek chye fer the whole day.
wen walkiing to west mall to take mrt to work, raiiniing quiite heaviily siia. miie jus felt liike walkiing iin the raiin, long tiime nv lerrs.todday mood realii damn bad lorrs.feel liike cryiing soo much wen walkiing iin the raiin. haiis

haiis. ur coldness towards miie iishx realii verii hurtiing to miie lorrs. although euu n jef told miie euu have ur reason fer doiing soo but diirectly or iindiirectly u're hurtiing miie verii deeply.
euu will the one who askk miie not to thiink too much, not to thiink of makiing tat deciisiion.
euu will the one giiviing miie promiise. end up euu will the one treatiing miie sooo cold. haiis.

ya, iit's true tat we tog must care of other's feeliing. but wen euu told miie maybb one day euu will bbe gonez. diid euu ever care fer moii feeliing? euu will the one who plan of marriage. euu will the one who plan fer our's future. euu will the one who plan to open shop iin iindonesiia dden cum singapore open and get pr dde. end upp euu the one telliing miie maybb one day euu will bbe gone.

as wat ii say, iif one day euu wanna leave ii will let moii hand off. no matter how much iim unwilliing to let go, ii wun hold on dde.

todday, tiing n yiing askk miie iif thiing continue liike tiis, will ii choose to break, ii realii dunno. tiis few days ii realii feel verii xiinku n hurt feel liike letting go but thiink back,
frm the day we know each other till now, although iishx jus three month, not a verii long periiod of tiime, but we had went thru sooo much lerrs. how am ii goiin to let go sooo easiily? ii dubb bear, ii realii dubb bear.

have euu alreadii forgotten the everythiing, every moment, every promiise and the love between us? iif euu diid, jus let miie know, and leave iif euu wan.

moii smiile iishx gettiing more n more fake, yiing told miie, todday wen she saw miie, she can c tat all moii smile iishx fakiing out dde. they kept askkiing miie not to bear moii tears lerrs. cry all out. but ii dubb wanna let aniione c miie sheddiing a siingle tear lerrs.
ya, euu all are riight, iim pretendiing as iif iim ok, pretend to bbe strong. pretend as iif ii dubb giive a damn weather how cold he treat miie. but deep iin moii heart, iit's bleediing. iit's all paiin n hurts.

laogong, plz dubb leave miie coz of wat moii famiily saiid or thiink tat euu always briing miie sadness or thiink tat iif ur student pass rejected and iit's unfaiir to miie. plz dubb leave coz of tiis kiind of reason.
bf iishx miine dde. let miie choose moii self. dubb choose moii path fer miie, iif not ii will bbe living iin regret fer the rest of moii liife. onlii wiith euu by mysiide, ii will bbe happii and blessed. wiithout euu, the sadness will bbe 100 tiimes dden now dde. iim the one who are williing to waiit fer euu, soo no faiir or unfaiir dde. iim the one who deciide fer moii self. no one could deciide fer miie dde. tiis iishx wat euu told miie. iisn't iit?
fer why ii was treatiing euu sooo attitude tiis few day, wouldnt wanna meet euu todday, iishx coz iim afraiid iif one day euu wanna leave miie, ii realii will break down. iim tryiing to bluff moiiself tat ii dubb love euu lerrs. but ii failed. miiz euu alots everyday, feel verii verii sad n hurt wen ii thiink of euu, and the everythiing between us.
iim tiired of pretendiing happii lerrs. iim tiired of bluffing moii self lerrs. iim cant hold on to moii tears lerrs.

haiis. now ii realii dunno wat to do. suan lerrs. dubb wanna thiink sooo much lerrs. moii eye was sooo tiired. all along cryiiing whiile typiing.

iif you still love me, please dubb leave miie. dubb leave miie alone, wiithout euu, iim no one. moii liife cant go on.
leave miie unless euu dubb love miie lerrs.
promise miie, please nv forget the everythiing, every moment, every promise and the love between us hao mahhs?

heartbroken,
bleediing,
hurts,
paiin,
sad,
breakiing down.

dear sista, nv worrii fer miie lerrs k? promiise? carry on wiith ur's dde liife, dubb coz of miie feel unhappii. ii know, tiis few days euu all kept sayiing funnii thiing jus to cheers miie upp. giiviing miie manii adviice n support to hang on too. thanks. ur's effort iishx not wasted. ii apprectite iit. but euu all have too much thiing of ur's to fan lerrs, sooo dubb worrii of miie lerrs k? please!!!

iim becomiing more n more weak iin love siince ii met euu, moii tears gettiing more n more uncontrolled recently. coz ii love euu. ii realii do. love euu deeply.

That's When I Y0u

2:07 AM

Monday, January 22, 2007

tiis few day, iim rather moodless. wasnt happii at all. thiinkiing abt lots of thiing recently. realii dubb wiish to thiink but jus simply cant stop thiinkiing. haiis. after our talk ytd and heard wat euu had saiid. ii wun go thiink of tat deciisiion aniimore lerrs. let nature take iit's course bba. but wen the tiimes euu feel liike leaviing, jus let miie know & i'll let euu n the everythiing go.
haiis. but dunno why, even after the talk. there still lot of thiing iin moii miind tat iim thiinkiing. honestly, ii dunno wat iim thiinkiing oso. but recently, ii kept thiinkiing n askkiing moiiself tiis questiion "can we realii last?"
realii dunno wat's goiin on wiith miie.
thiink ii properly bbe crazy bba.
siince the day euu are back, realii felt tat euu changes lerrs. seem liike the care&concern wasnt ther lerrs. and seem liike lots more thiing was diifferent frm the past lerrs. perhaps iim thiinkiing too much bba. haiis. ii oso dunno.
whenever thiink of iim leaviing to hong kong at feb, feeliing rather sad. there too manii thiing and ppls ii dubb bear to apart wiith. especiially hiim, moii siista, moii erzii n jef they all lorrs.
iit's truth tat 2 mths seem to bbe short, but the days wiithout all of them, to miie, iishx unbearable, ii will sure miiz them lots dde. miiz the tiimes wiith them, the laughters n the everythiing.
realii hope wen the tiimes iim away at hong kong, they wun forget miie. everythiing, everyone stay the same wen iim back. everyone passes theiir day happily n everythiing gones smoothly fer them.
haiis. everyone askk miie to stay happii, but ii jus cant lorrs.
iit's hiim tat ii dubb bear to apart wiith the most, iit's hiim tat ii worrii the most.

watever iit's iishx, will try to act as iim happii iinfront of everyone at tiis periiod of tiimes before ii go over. dubb wan aniione to worrii, dubb wan aniione to feel unhappii coz of miie.

lastly, laogong, dubb too stress of ur student pass thiing or aniithiing else larrs. stress oso no use,let nature take iit's course bba & dubb take everythiing all bby urself k? iif we are meant to bbe tog, no matter wat, we will still get tog dde. but iif we are not, no matter how hard we work, we will still end upp wiith nothiing dde. promiise to stay happii k? fer ur own sake or fer mine, coz ii will onlii bbe happii wen ii c euu happii. pls promiise to take care of urself iif one day iim not by ursiide aniimore. ii wun let go n leave euu until the day euu wanna let go n leave.

mrsEDDY
` 12.47am `

Labels: Can we realii last? Are we realii meant to bbe tog? there too manii ??? iin moii miind.

That's When I Y0u

12:21 AM

Saturday, January 20, 2007

iim lost, iim confused, iim iin a mess. haiis. still thiinkiing wat to do? still thiinkiing should ii hold on or let go.
todday went to batok ton wiith yiing, tiing, weii en, xiiang xiing erzii and siimon didi.
the tiimes wiith hiim make miie more n more unwilling to let go. but iishx iit faiir to hiim iif ii hold on?
haiis. ii cant giive upp on moii learniing. ii dubb wanna disappoiint moii parent agaiin, and ii know tiis iishx moii last chance. ii know he wun wan miie to giive upp tiis chance oso dde.
haiis. dunno wat to do lorrs.
mess, mess, mess, all iin a mess.

mrsEDDY
` 7.10am `

That's When I Y0u

7:00 AM

Friday, January 19, 2007

todday morniing wake upp hang over siia. ytd driink too much lerrs. dden went back to slp. almost overslept to go fetch moii laogong arx. but wen the tiimes ii goiin out, he had alreadii reach harbour front lerrs. hahax. miie still consiider late larrs. hahax. todday all along moii gastriic feeliing verii unwell siia. driink too much ytd niite. hahax. dden around eveniing tiime, jef, xiiang xiing erzii, mernel nuer and yongfa erzii all cum down fiind us. dden at harbour front slack dden all went home lerrs. miie accompany moii laogong go home. accompany hiim till 11 plus dden take bus home.
dunno why, todday had a strange feeliing, he iishx different frm the tiimes before he went back.
ii oso dunno wat iishx diifferent, jus feel tat iishx not the same as the past lorrs. maybb ii thiink too much bba.
ther sumthiing kept botheriing miie & ii realii dunno how to make a deciisiion. ii was leaviing to hong kong fer moii work traiiniing fer around 2 to 3 mths tiimes.
ii dunno weather by tat tiimes, hiis student pass approved lerrs mahhs but ii feel liike letting go. coz ii got no riight to askk hiim to waiit lorrs. ii cant giive hiim anii promiises now.
iif he iishx studyiing iin siingapore at tat periiod of tiimes and iif he met another giirl beta dden miie, treat hiim beta dden miie dde. and iif he realii fall iin love wiith tat giirl and go for iit. end upp, all moii frenz n siista will all sure blame hiim n angry wiith hiim dde. ii dubb wan lorrs.
iim not sayiing tat he will make the hiistory repeat. or ii diidnt trust hiim, but iif he realii found sumone beta dden miie n treat hiim beta ii will sure let moii hand go dde. wat ii wan to c iishx seeiing hiim happii.
ii totally had no riight to expect hiim waiit fer miie and ii realii cant giive hiim anii promiise now lorrs. after ii heard wat moii dad saiid ytd day niite, wat more can ii promiise hiim now? ii cant c our future now, iit seem liike gettiing more futher frm us lorrs. haiis. ii diidnt wan to make a empty promiises. as to bbe faiir fer hiim bba. and iif wen ii cum back lerrs, hiis heart still wiith miie dden continue our's story bba.
but at tiime, ii realii dubb bear to let moii hand go now. feeliing sad. ii still love hiim lots lorrs. haiis. iim confused.
am ii verii selfiish iif ii hold on to hiim n expect hiim to waiit?
am ii verii selfiish fer thiinkiing all tiis wiithout askiing hiis comments?
wat should ii do?
let go or hold on?
haiis. ii cant iimagiine how paiin moii heart will bbe iif one day ii realii saiid break wiith hiim? ii was cryiing whiile iim typiing wen ii haven even make a deciision. ii cant iimagiine how much tears ii will bbe droppiing iif ii realii do soo. haiis. wat goiin on wiith miie?
why we always had to bbe separated? how manii thiing we have to go thru before we realii get tog, never separate agaiin? haiis.

mrsEDDY wiith tears&confusiion
` 2.49am `

That's When I Y0u

2:15 AM

Thursday, January 18, 2007

erm. todday went down to dad ktv to celebrate giina biirthday, 4 martell 1 chiivas. miie driink alot siia. fiirst tiime driink soo much. haha. but lucky nv get drunk larrs, iif not drunk iinfront of moii kor&giina frenz & daddii frenz verii paiiseh dde lehhs. hahax. dden after tat went back wiith dad & now goiin slp lerrs. tml niid go fetch moii laogong, cumiing back lerrs. sooo happii. hahax. niite niite.

mrsEDDY
` 3.40 am `

That's When I Y0u

2:11 AM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

14 & 15 of jan - tiis two days the tiime ii reach home iishx almosted nearly morniing. sooo tiired. not eluff slp lorrs dden still have to work.
wouldnt wanna talk abt the reason why sooo late dden reach home lerrs. haiis.
euu saiid euu're diisappoiinted wiith us. we too diisapoointed wiith euu. and ii believe n ii could saiid our'd disappoiintment iishx surely more dden euu fer us dde.
the tiimes ii called euu mummii. ii realii called iit siincerly frm moii heart and truely regard euu as moii siista.
but after sooo manii thiing, ii get more n more diisappoiinted and hurts. now siince euu had alreadii told yiing, euu n her n those who wanna iinvolve iin tiis matter dde ppl no longer siista. dden fiine, coz the hurts iishx alreadii ther, the trust had alreadii gonex lerrs. even bbe siista back end upp still will got problem. honestly, tiis tiimes ii realii cant forgiive n forget, the hurts iishx too deep. at tiime wen ii thiink of euu, ii will still criied. yiing too, she talk to miie on fone todday till she criied. haiis. iin moii heart ther alreadii a knot, iit cant bbe untiied dde.
sooo siince euu alreadii saiid so, our's siistershiip will end here. hope euu will take care of urself iin the future, dubb trust aniione too easiily especiially guys. learn to protect urself especiially euu're workiing at a pub now. lastly, treasure hiim n ur's relatiionshiip. he realii love euu dde n treat euu gud dde. treasure before iit's too late.
TAKE CARE MUMMII.
moii last tiime calliing euu mummii.

mrsEDDY wiith hurts & disappointment!
` 4.30am `

That's When I Y0u

1:51 AM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

jus came back frm thailand todday afternoon. go out to celebrate qq birthday at holiday resort after haviing moii lunch and pack moii stuff.
fiirst, let talk abt moii triip to thaiiland bba.
erm. actually diidnt realii enjoy lots and didn't buy much thiing not liike the past few tiimes. brought lots of thiing back. even didnt get anii present fer moii siista n moii beloved "family member".
9 of jan - wake upp verii early to go aiirport. diid msg moii laogong. ii know he was sleepiing, at tat moment, realii hope to receiived a msg or a call frm hiim before ii board the flight. coz after tat ii dunno wen will bbe the next tiime ii could heard hiis voiice agaiin. reach ther ard 12pm. went straight to the hotel. coz everyone of us iishx too tiired lerrs. we went to slp till niite 9 plus or 10 plus dden wake upp & went fer our dinner dden go back to the hotel lerrs. thiinkiing of hiim. wander wher iishx he? he go back lerrs mahhs? wat he doiin? eat lerrs mahhs? alot alot more questiion kept cumiing to moii miind lorrs.
10 of jan - wake upp quiite early n went down fer our breakfast, and went to the temple to pray. after tat went to the shopping nearby to shop. but miie doesnt realii have the mood. nv even to realii look at the stuff. moii miind iishx all thiinkiing abt moii laogong. realii miiz hiim alots. haiis. all those questiion appeared on moii miind agaiin.
11,12 of jan - jus eat,shop&sleep. nothiing speciial happened. jus kept thiinkiing of moii laogong. no mood fer aniithiing lorrs. jus hope tat can go back earlier.

k, now let talk abt qq dde biirthday celebratiion bba.
at fiirst iishx a happii and fun party, but end upp sophiia hp lose. haiis. and iit's verii obviious iishx own ppl take dde. coz ther no outsiider or ppl tat we dunno ther.
but no one wan to admiit. so she went to make the police report and c the cctv.
haiis. after all go home lorrs. sooo tiired lorrs. todday sooo early wake upp fer moii flight dden now sooo "early" dden reach home.
go slp lerrs. niite!

mrsEDDY miiz mrEDDY
` 07.15am `

That's When I Y0u

1:23 AM

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

todday requested fer goiin off early frm work. coz todday iishx the last day ii can see hiim and accompany hiim plus ii todday cannot ton coz tml ii takiing morniing 9 plus dde flight to thaiiland. will bbe back onlii on 13th of dec.
of coz, todday the tiimes beiing wiith hiim, ii realii felt liike cryiing. but ii kept telliing moii self that ii couldnt cry iinfront of hiim. ii must smile n send hiim off. todday, ii realii made iit.
but ended upp still criied but not iinfront of hiim larrs. especiially, ii saw the msg he send miie make miie felt liike cryiing even more. he saiid. laopo, sorrii. we had to separated agaiin. haiis. he tml goiin back lerrs, ii niid go thaiiland. ii even leave earliier dden hiim sooo cannot send hiim off lorrs.
haiis. suan lerrs. dubb wanna talk abt iit lerrs. wanna go slp lerrs.tml niid wake upp early to aiirport dde. wun bbe updatiing moii blog fer the tiimes beiing,

That's When I Y0u

3:12 AM

Monday, January 08, 2007

todday after work went down to taman jurong, his house ther to miit hiim, yong fa n xiiang xiing erzii. at fiirst askk jiieyiing cum down ton dde but she dubb wan. dden askk xiiang xiing but he dubb wan. at fiirst ii goiin back home oso dde. but coz too late no bus lerrs. dden cannot go back, soo went upp to hiis house.
criied agaiin, seeiing hiim joke around, sayiing and doiing lame thiing. seeiing hiim wen he sleepiing. the way he hug miie, he way he sayang miie realii make miie dubb bear to let hiim go back. realii make miie afraiid tat he couldnt cum back aniimore lerrs.
especiially that thiing he told miie, realii iishx the maiin reason ii criied. he told miie, laopo. dubb ever leave miie.
sad. haiis. laogong, ii wun leave euu dde. dubb worrii k? ii will always love euu.
gonna stop lerrs. super tiired ar. niite everyone.

That's When I Y0u

3:06 AM

Sunday, January 07, 2007

quarrel wiith hiim wen ii reach home tiis morniing, jus coz ii dubb wanna tell hiim wat ii wrote iin moii blog ytd. dden he started to make hiim out to quarrel lerrs. even saiid lots of thiing verii over liike iif he go back lerrs, ii can go fiind moii ex or other guy. wtf. ii realii hate iit alot wen other ppl kept takiing HIM out to saiid lorrs. he more worst, take hiim out to quarrel. heart was sooo paiin wen he saiid thiing till liike tiis. criied on the bus wen ii on the way to work. hurt arx!
work half way, he wake upp lerrs and he msg miie, showiing miie super bad attitude. after awhile he called miie. argue till ii criied. dden end upp he got saiid sorrii to miie larrs and we ok lerrs.
quarrel wiith moii mum at niite, coz she called hiim. wanderiing how she get hiis number. she iishx other one, takiing hiim out to saiid. fuck larrs. realii hate ppl mention hiim larrs. cause miie n moii laogong & moii mum quarrel. and iit oso coz of hiim, moii mum cant accept moii laogong lorrs. fuck.
haiis. moii laogong was sooo sad, coz he know moii mum cannot accept hiim and liike diisliike hiim. wat should ii do. vexed larrs.
but to miie, even iif moii parent dubb accept hiim. ii will still go wiith hiim dde. as wat ii had saiid before, ii will fiight fer moii happiiness coz ii dubb wanna regret iin the future. relatiionshiip iishx miine, no one can ever help miie make a deciisiion not even moii famiily member.
after work we went to boat quay dde colour zone and driink, as a farewell party fer moii laogong.todday got miie, moii laogong, xiiang xiing erzii, mernel nuer, jefrii, weii en, delton, yiliiang, peiting, jieying, miichelle and rayson.
thiink everyone oso quiite happii bba. but miie, jus sad sad sad. whenever thiink of that hiis student pass miight not approve, we miight niid to bbe separated fer quiite a long tiime, ii realii felt cryiing sooo much. haiis. but before he reach, michelle told miie. try not to cry, try to smile iinfront of hiim, let hiim have a happii and memorable day. tiis was oso wat iim thiinkiing oso. sooo ii promiised miichelle tat ii wun cry.
but end upp ii fail. ii break that promise. ii criied. ii criied verii long iinfront of lots of ppls and criied till sooo jiialet and couldnt stop dde. 16 yrs, fiirst tiime such thiing happened, can see how much ii love hiim bba.
all of them saiid ii criied for around 20 miin and above. haiis. sad lorrs.
ii know he realii heartaches seeiing miie liike tat. ii realii diid triied verii hard to controlled lerrs but end upp wen ii was huggiing hiim ii realii cant stand iit lerrs.
wen ii was cryiing, hiis words make miie criied more worst coz hiis words realii touches moii heart.
he saiid. dubb cry. he will bbe bby moii siide dde. and he heartaches seeiing miie cry. haiis.
wen the moment ii heard those words frm hiim, iit's realii touches moii heart but at the same tiime iit hurts and heartaches too.
but after cryiing, ii felt much more beta lerrs. dden we all went to explanade. ii liied on hiis leg and rest. feeliing gud. the scenary, the wiind, the silent, the sound of the sea and the beautiful sky plus our's love and our's heart together. iit's jus the perfect moment lorrs.
dden after tat take fiirst bus to batok. hahax. driink coffee agaiin.
coz tiis morniing, we quarrel wiith a mac manager name called jacqueline oso. she showed us super fuck upp and bad attitude lorrs. eeee. same name wiith miie lorrs. sooo unlucky. dden miie, yiing, jef n weii en all called to complaiint her. dden end upp she nv saiid sorrii to us yet still called police. fuck lorrs.
haiis. thiink stop here bba. sad day fer miie. cryiing everyday siia. gonna becum cry baby lerrs.

That's When I Y0u

2:22 AM

Saturday, January 06, 2007

todday can say iishx the happiler day ii had ever passed siince 2007 started bba. after work went down to look fer moii laogong they all at lot 1.
guess wat he brought fer miie? flower n couple riing wiith the date we patched.
heard that at fiirst he wanna propose to miie dde. but end upp cancell. coz he saiid propose iishx forever dde and he onlii wanna propose to miie once iin a liife tiime.
as fer the riing now. iishx a promiise fer miie. promiise hiis love fer miie.
ii dunno wat will happen iin the future. iif he realii couldnt cum back iin the future, maybb one day our love miight end iin silent.
but at lease he did gave miie happiiness and sweet memoriies. at lease ii know ther once we diid loved each other deeply.
todday iishx quiite a meaniingful day actually. coz 3 month ago, on tiis day, iishx the day sophiia break the news to everyone of us. the day ii knew tat he like miie.

i'll never forget tiis day.
i'll never forget the everythiing euu diid fer miie.
i'll never forget our's promiise.
i'll never forget our's love.
i'll never forget euu.

thanks fer the everythiing. laogong, dubb worry. no matter wat happen, i'll waiit fer euu to cum back dde. our's promiise ii will never forget.
there realii lots of thiing ii would like to tell euu. but ii realii dunno how to say and start frm wher.
ii can onlii say

I LOVE YOU!!
OUR's LOVE,
OUR's PROMISE.
HEART IN HEART,
HAND IN HAND,
THRU ALL THE SADNESS & HAPPINESS!
THE STORY
OF JACQUELINE & EDDY,
WILL NEVER END!!!

thiis song dde lyriic iishx the everythiing ii wanna tell euu.

Because You Love Me.

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through

through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love in to my life

You've been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn'tspeak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me.

Labels: Our's Love, Our's Promiise. Till Death Do Us Apart.

That's When I Y0u

9:56 AM

Friday, January 05, 2007

sorrii fer not updatiing moii blog fer sooo manii days. coz recently almost ton everyday.
thiink tiis yr 2007 will bbe a sad yr fer miie bba. everyday ii criied siince o1.o1.o7 till todday. never have one day ii feel realii happii. always triied to smile, but moii smile jus cant seem to last.
haiis. 5 more days to go. wen the date reach 9 of jan. both of them wun bbe at siingapore lerrs. he goiin back to iindonesiia and ii goiin to thaiiland. ii will bbe back on th 13th of jan.
as fer hiim. . . nobody know. maybb one month, maybb half yr, mayb two to three yr. haiis. wat should ii do? wat should ii saiid?
tot tat after soo manii thiing, we can fiinally bbe together lerrs. thiinkiing of leadiing our liife happily together. but end upp. . . haiis.
now wen ii was huggiing hiim or holdiing hiis hand, ii was afraiid to let go. coz ii was afraiid tat iif ii let iit go now. ii will nv have a chance to hug hiim or hold hiis hand again lerrs.
everythiing iin the past included all the quarrel, arguement, tears ii dropped, sadness n hurt all becum sooo beautiful. but memoriies will always bbe memoriies.
haiis. cryiing n cryiing. realii dubb bear to c hiim go.
haiis. why cant we treasure the remaiiniing days wiithout quarrel? been quarrel fer quiite sumday lerrs.
haiis. why must euu always take hiim out to quarrel? haiis. can let miie pass tiis few day happiily wiith euu mahhs? ii realii afraiid tat ther miight not bbe chances to bbe wiith euu iin the future lerrs.
haiis. ii realii dunno wat to say? the sadness ii dunno how to descriipt oso. everyday jus onlii feel liike cryiing. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

3:58 AM

New year eve, spend moii whole niite at cck wiith moii laogong, yuancii daddii, jefrii, xiiangxiing erzii, yong fa erzii, mernel nu er, en jie didi, simon didi, delton, yiliang, wei en, johnson, ziyi and wei en dde two frenz. at fiirst still got moii siista wiith us dde, but end upp due to sumthiing dden we separated. but still feel quiite happii larrs.
dunno wat to say oso. a new year startiing, hope everythiing could realii start anew larrs.
nothiing speciial to wriite lerrs.
siign off bba.

That's When I Y0u

3:55 AM