♥ I L0ve Y0u , Endlessly ♥

Monday, April 30, 2007

haiis. feeliing soo tiired, slp at around 7 plus dden wake upp around 2 plus, coz he called sayiing miie to go down earliier. he wanna buy thiing frm moii shop dden he leaviing at 5 today coz he siick, haviing fever. dunno why still care fer hiim soo much, wake upp straiight away dden rush down to see he ok not. wen ii reach, fiirst thiing ii do, iishx rushiing iinto hiis shop, even moii bag haven even put down yet. wen ii get iin, he was iin the toilet dden ii talk to joviine awhile, dden wen ii heard hiis key sound, ii know he walkiing out lerrs, dden ii faster go out lorrs. but u turn back agaiin, coz wan to c he ok not, end upp see hiim quiite ok dden ii more fang xiin lerrs, dden went out of hiis shop, dden he came out oso, dden know tat hiis fever not tat hiigh lerrs, dden fiinally realii fang xiin lerrs.
at 5 he go off, dden he msg miie, telliing miie iim hiis darliing always, haiis. wat a hurtiing sentence siia? haiis
today ii fiinally tell hiim the truth lerrs, tat ii know everythiing lerrs. feel much more beta after lettiing hiim know, at lease ii dubb niid to pretend as ii dunno aniithiing lerrs.
after work, at fiirst plan to go out dde, but end upp, coz he say iif ii today nv go out, ii wan wat dden wat lorrs. dden ii wan hiim to stay at home to rest n dubb go out. dden he repliies, "you soo care abt miie, soo touch."
dden ii saiid onlii concern as frenz, even iishx ah kiiat ii oso will liike tiis dde. stupiid miie, not sayiing the truth agaiin. miing miing jiiu shii concern as the one ii love, miing miing jiiu shii worry abt hiim mahhs. still actiing as jus concern as frenz. haiis.
dden after work, went to hiis house ther to take moii riing back, he jus williing to return miie one, another one askk miie next tiime dden go take agaiin. dden askk hiim return miie the real one he dubb wan, coz he saiid iif return miie the real one lerrs, next tiime ii sure wun go n take the other one frm hiim agaiin lerrs. he realii understand miie too well liiao. coz tat realii wat ii thiinkiing lorrs. haiis.
dden wen waiitiing fer cab, ii askk hiim go home eat mediiciine dden rest early, he saiid unless ii giive hiim gud bye kiiss, ii iinsiisted ii dubb wan. dden after tat he changed askkiing miie to promiise hiim not to work at pub, ii dubb wan, dden he saiid siince ii alreadii saiid promiise meant to bbe broken, jus promiise larrs. dden ii repliies, siince promiise are meant to broken, dden wat fer still promiise. haiis. the tiimes wiith hiim at hiis house downstaiir today realii make miie thiink back of alots of thiing, haiis. plus talkiing to hiim abt the thiing ii know abt hiim n the two giirl dde, realii verii sad. especiially, the tiimes waiitiing fer cab, moii tears almost dropped down. ii choose to act as ii dubb care wen ii realii feeliing liike cariing soo much, wen ii was realii verii worry abt hiim. ii choosen to bbe soo hard hearted. but ii know one day, moii heart will gonex soften fer hiim dde, realii dunno wat to do now. wen he sayang miie, ii walk away, coz ii was realii verii afraiid tat moii heart will get soften fer hiim. haiis.
reach home, feel soo unwell, dden go check, haviing fever, moii whole body soo paiin, moii head paiin till liike goiin to burst lorrs. haiis. all hiis fault larrs, he fever make miie fever oso. hahax. no larrs, thiink iishx friiday at bq raiiniing heaviily dden ii go liin yu dden after tat oso nv had a gud rest tat y fever bba. haiis. stop here bba, gonna go rest lerrs. tml still niid to work.
hope hiis fever gonex tml bba, and recovered faster.

That's When I Y0u

1:08 AM

Sunday, April 29, 2007

today nv realii go out chiiong, 9 plus liincoln come fetch miie frm work dden went over to loliipop to c how the enironment was dden consiider weather wanna go ther work not, the eniironment ther iishx not bad. liike iit quiite alot. but the onlii problem was tat iit was jus soo near to daddii ktv, jus behiide iit lorrs. scare iif go ther work, let daddii saw miie. hahax.
dden after went to tiimah liincoln dde pub. iit was soo relaxiing ther lorrs, wen ii reach ther, moii mood get sliightly beta n wun thiink soo much lerrs. there was a place where ii can realii relax moiiself. liincoln say iif ii wanna go ther work jus giive hiim a call.
dden around 2 plus ii reach home lerrs. haiis.

moii mood fer the whole day iishx still sooo bad, iim gettiing verii angry oso.
dunno whiich fucker go tell hiim wat ii ytd get to know alot of guy. did ii?? saiid ii ps them. diid ii?? even saiid wat ii giive eriic gud bye kiiss. kaoz. DID II??????
ii nv get to know anii new guy at all lorrs, ii onlii askk tiim to go over to bq to fiind miie, coz after tat can askk hiim send miie, tiing, yvo n xiin home mahhs. dden jus niice wen ii msg hiim sayiing ii confiirm goiin to bq dden he saiid he was at ms, dden ii askk hiim cum over coffee shop to fiind miie lorrs. dden ii askk hiim send us over to bq. he saiid ok, dden ii go n askk them tat ii can take 3 more ppl wiith miie, who wan take car over. dden all ownself saiid dubb wan, onlii esmond wan follow dden ii saiid meet them at bq lorrs. dden ii reach lerrs, ii oso waiit fer them at es downstaiir dden before they reach ii go liighthouse fiind joe awhiile dden driink wiith them, dden saw liincoln. after they reach not long lerrs, he called n msg miie askk miie not to driink too much lerrs, ii verii bad mood, ii siitted asiide, liisteniing to song, almost criied. dden suddenly eriic askk miie go say all goiin lerrs, dden ii walk over to es downstaiir, but tat tiime tiing they all alreadii dunno go wher liiao lorrs. ii askk xiin dden know they go wiithdrawn money, dden after tat xiin oso gonex miissiing, dden at frenz place downstaiir dden ii askk yvo wher all of them agaiin, dden she saiid they all go farnado. PLEASE. who iishx the one tat go wiithout telliing miie dden end upp still can turned over to saiid ii ps them, even wen they goiin home they oso nv giive miie a call lorrs. liike tat iishx ii ps them larrs. funnii hors.
dden went upp frenz place, saw robiin ther. dden liike tat ii oso hong larrs? liike iishx ii purposely askk hiim go over dde, or purposely go upp to meet hiim, ii go upp iishx coz liincoln askk miie go lorrs. ii dubb even know robiin was ther, ii even forgotten tat he was at bq until ii saw hiim at frenz place lorrs.
dden wen ii goiin home, ii go fiind eriic at mac to return hiim the jacket dden after awhile ii went back wiith liincoln lerrs, wen diid ii giive eriic the gud bye kiiss?
realii funnii lehhs, tat person who had saiid all tiis nonsense sure iishx saw moii soul kiissiing eriic, saw moii soul knowiing new guys, fliirtiing wiith new guy.
and maybb tat person diid call miie larrs to iinform miie they goiin larrs, but moii soul help miie piick upp larrs, dden moii soul ans them tat ii not goiin wiith them, iim gotta ps them larrs.

ii no comment toward tat person who saiid all tiis nonsense larrs, upp to hiim/her to saiid larrs, she/he saiid got dden got lorrs, saiid dubb haf dden dubb haf lorrs. not iinterested to care abt all tiis accuse n nonsense. dden as fer hiim, iif he prefer trustiing tat person dden miie, ii got nothiing to saiid lorrs. upp to hiim bba. jus feeliing soo heartaches lorrs. haiis. iim goiin crazy larrs. iif ii realii quiit moii current job ii will miia bba. wun tell aniione wher iim workiing at lerrs bba. quiittiing moii current job soon. work fer a few more day or one or two week more bba.
haiis. but honestly, realii dubb bear all the ppl at ther, especiially ah kiiat n hiim. haiis.

to tat person,
stop beiing soo boliiao larrs, saiid soo manii nonsense fer wat?? next tiime before you saiid aniithiing make the whole thiing clear fiirst larrs. dubb aniihow say lehhs. and funnii lehhs, liike wat oso must report to hiim. liike hiis reporter siia, dden ii wat tiime eat, wat tiime go toilet, wat tiime slp, wat time wake upp, every sec, every min wat iim doiin niid report or not? iif realii wanna report oso dubb niid go ediit dde whole story dden report larrs hors. iit jus make euu seem soo evil, soo childiish onlii lorrs.

to hiim,
ii not gotta explaiin aniithiing, no poiint. iif euu choose to trust tat person more dden miie, fiine lorrs, ii nothiing to saiid, even iif ii explaiin lerrs oso no use. iif euu realii trust wat tat person saiid dden jus take iit ii diid the everythiing tat person told euu lorrs. iit's ok to miie, coz ii know iif a person have trust on euu, no matter wat other saiid, tat person oso wun beliieve dde. tat all ii can saiid. haiis.

ii dunno how long can ii still hang on, ii dunno how long can ii keep moii self iin control. ii dunno how long can ii bear wiith moii tears. ii was afraiid one day ii will lost control of moii feeliing, moii tears n moiiself. everyday ii smile liike nothiing happen, ii dubb wanna break down iinfront of aniione. but how long can ii stand everythiing, how long can ii smile liike nothiing happen n how long can ii still pretend as iim ok, pretend as ii dunno aniithiing? haiis.

That's When I Y0u

4:10 AM

Saturday, April 28, 2007

haiis, moii mood today iishx still the same, and even more worst. soo moody, soo unhappii. haiis. almost cant stand iit, goiin crazy soon. went to lorong 6 dde siiam diisco, wtf. iit was soo soo soo boriing ther, soo soo soo lame. a few techno dden mostly thaii song. all jason dde gud recommentiion larrs. kaoz. alreadii verii moody lerrs, dden some arguement among siista, haiis. soo pek chye, kept controlling moii temper, dubb wanna show aniione moii attiitude, same hand iinjured agaiin. haiis. hope moii hand wun gonex worst tml.
haiis, dden go mohd sultan dde terry bez, the old rush fer awhile dden wen iit closiing soon, dden went to bq, sumone driive miie n esmond down, at fiirst plan to go es, but end upp by the tiime tiing they all reach iit had alreadii close liiao. whiile the tiime waiitiing fer them to cum over, ii went to liighthouse to look fer joe, wtf, joe wanna make miie drunk, askk hiis frenz to driink wiith miie, still say wat martell add coke must driink 3 cup dden equal to theiir martell plus warm water one cup. ok, fiine, ii acc them to driink, coz the waiitress ther ii know dde, dden all 3 cup she pour verii less fer miie, dden pour alot fer joe's frenz. but tat stupiid joe, after moii 3 cup he saiid he nv saw how much hiis waiitress pour fer miie, iit miight bbe verii less, dden pour beer fer miie, kaoz. iit's the driink ii scared the most. but still driink wiith them lorrs, lucky ii saw liincoln, the sec cup, he help miie to driink dden askk miie joiin hiim at frenz place.
after he went upp lerrs, ii was still at es downstaiir wiith xiin, yvo, esmond n eriic, whiile tiing they all went over to farnado wiith wong. dden ii tell eriic ii bad mood wiithout telliing hiim wat happen, dden ii liisteniing to song till ii almost criied, but thank eriic was ther to sayang miie, joke around n make miie laugh.
wen iit was raiiniing ii went to stand iin the raiin, thank eriic runniing over to pass miie hiis jacket.
dden after eriic they all went upp to frenz place, ii oso went upp. supriisely, ii saw robiin ther, dden pass eriic back hiis jacket but wen ii was outsiide talkiing to kiiat on fone, eriic ran out to pass hiim hiis jacket agaiin. thanks eriic.
dden all along slack at frenz place. after tat went to mac to look fer eriic they all to pass hiim back hiis jacket, dden liincoln send miie back home.

moii heart get soften wen he rub moii hand fer miie, saw the msg he type to miie n askiing miie not to driink too much. ii know ii shouldnt bbe soo soft hearted, but haiis, ii dunno wat iim thiinkiing, moii heart jus cant bbe tat hard to stop cariing abt hiim, n no feeliing toward wat he been doiin now. haiis. today heard frm hiim, kiiat at bq fiight, soo worry, called kiiat, dden he show attitude, ii was soo angry coz ii rather moody. end upp kiiat call back, say he iishx quite badly iinjured, cant go to c doctor oso coz the other party verii jiialet, went to hospiital. dden ii askk hiim to call miie wen he reach home, c weather he got aniithiing mahhs, wen he reach home, he call miie, talk till half way, he hang off. ii was soo scared. dden call hiim back no ans. more afraiid.
but dunno why wen iim soo afraiid the fiirst one ii thiink was hiim, jus hope to tell hiim. jus hope he will bbe bby moii siide. haiis. wat iim doiin???
iim goiin crazy soon. haiis. WTF.

*Too late, everythiing iishx realii too late now, chances had alreadii been giiven, but iit's not been treasured once at all. I'm Sorrii. My heart iishx soo paiin, bleediing non-stop. *

That's When I Y0u

7:17 AM

Friday, April 27, 2007

haiis. been soo moody fer the whole niite today. ii realii gonex crazy lerrs, kept controlliing n controlliing. iinjured moii hand by hittiing the wall wen iim goiin to lost control of moiiself, moii heart was sooo sooo sooo paiin, how to stop the bleediing? ii dunno, ii realii dunno. the paiin was now liike makiing miie dyiing soon.

he was the one sayiing till soo hrash. dden why must he still dii siiao miie today wiith sooo manii thiing to cause miie thiink back of the past? why must he still say thiing liike you go enjoy lorrs, dubb niid sms miie liiao wen ii went out wiith other guy? wat the meaniing of tiis? wat the reason he will say thiing liike tiis? tot he dubb care lerrs? haiis. perhaps tiis doesnt mean tat he care bba. perhaps he realii dubb care at all. iim properly be thiinkiing too much.

ii realii dunno wat ii could say now. wat ii could do now. beiing fooliish once agaiin. dubb wiish to heard, dubb wiish to see, dubb wiish to face iit.

ii dubb wanna know do he still love miie? ii dubb wanna know will he still care fer miie now? or wat so ever. coz all tiis ans iishx alreadii poiintless fer miie to know. moii last and onlii questiion was jus had he ever loved miie once before?

too late, everythiing was alreadii too late. heartbreak, break completely. heart had diied. iit's was all jus a same scriipt but diifferent cast.

*missJAC had died*
thanks you!!!

That's When I Y0u

6:25 AM

Thursday, April 26, 2007

ytd niite suddenly he sms miie one meaniingful msg, ii was soo shock. thiinkiing tat iishx he msgiing the wrong person. soo reply n askk hiim. shock wiith hiis ans, sayiing tat iif ii thiink soo dden jus take iit as he msg the wrong person, dden repliies askiing he off today arx? tot he dubb niid go the army check upp liiao. dden end upp he called miie. more shockx. dotx.

now dde miie, onlii regret wiith one thiing, jus feel soo regret tat ii diidnt treasure hiim iin the fiirst place n the way ii treat hiim wasnt gud eluff. dubb wan to explaiin aniimore fer all tiis. iit's all poiintless now.
but as fer wat ii deciisiion to do tiis tiime, ii nv feel regret at all. coz ii had alreadii told moii self once ii let go n giive upp, ii cant let moii self feel regret. as fer tiis matter, iim jus feeliing verii kiiat siim as he was treatiing miie soo gud iin the past.

haiis. today xiin they all jiio bq, dunno why last tiime ii sure on dde. but tiis two day, dubb realii feel liike goiin at all lorrs. maybb iim tiired of tiis kiind of liife liiao bba. thiink iin the future, unless ther speciial event or damn bad mood dden will go bba. lucky, iin the end oso no much ppl go dden all nv go lerrs, stay at bp slack lorrs. till around 2 plus dden reach home.

jus fiinish talkiing on the fone wiith tat stupiid guys, eddy effendy; askk miie call hiim, dubb wan chat at msn. kaoz. talk to hiim wan vomiit blood, was liike keep arguiing. iidiiot, talk until pek chye dden ii askk hiim go slp larrs, dden ii hang upp.
the tiime talkiing on fone wiith hiim, the feeliing iishx not there lerrs, the feeliing verii diifferent.

haviing a verii bad feeliing toward sumthiing.

WHICH WAY TO WALK?
WHO IS THE ONE REALLY LOVING ME?
WHO IS THE ONE TAT WILL REALLY TREASURE ME?
WHO IS THE ONE THAT WONT HURT ME?
MY LIFE BEING MESSED UP ONCE AGAIN.
LOVE IS ALWAYS THAT HURTING.
LOVE ISNT EASY AT ALL,
LOVING A PERSON WAS JUST SO HARD.

That's When I Y0u

3:56 AM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

tiis two days, moii days was liike sooo sux. ii was liike goiin crazy soon. verii moodless, verii xiinku. every miin n every sec iim miissiing hiim soo badly, the tiimes beiing wiith hiim, the memoriies wiith hiim, the everythiing jus kept flashiing on moii miind agaiin n agaiin. jus cant concentrate doiing aniithiing, cant bbe happii. kept keepiing moii self busy, wen iim free, moii miind, moii heart, moii feeliing iishx all iin a mess. realii driiviing miie crazy soon.
ytd reach home damn early, wen ii open moii house door, nobody at all, the liight iishx all swiitched off, verii quiiet. ii dunno why ii feel soo scared, feel liike goiin mad. iit was liike steppiing iinto a world of darkness, and iim the onlii one ther. sooo helpless.
fiirst tiime ii feel soo scared wen iim soo bad mood, soo unhappii n iim all alone. the paiin iishx killiing miie. kept thiinkiing of alot alot of thiing. the moment ii stepped iin moii house, moii mood was realii down to the core. verii unhappii, verii sad. iin the past, tiis kiind of feeliing nv cum across moii liife before.
lucky, yiixiin was there to liisteniing to moii sorrows patiiently, we talked on fone fer verii long, she was ther to console miie, giive miie adviise. askiing to bbe cruel siince ii choose to make tiis deciisiion. but how can ii? moii heart cant get to bbe soo hard and bbe soo cruel. tiis iishx wat everyone know arx. *( but proviided to moii siista n the one ii love onlii larrs )* haiis.
but still thank to her, after the talk to her, ii feel more beta, more calm lerrs.

today wen ii off work lerrs, closiing moii shop, he came out n take cab dden straiight away go off, uncle yong suddenly askk miie "eh, he nv waiit fer euu arx?" ii keep verii silent, ii dunno wat to say. haiis. dden he saiid "aiiya, euu all still a kiid larrs". ii oso keep quiiet. ii thiink he roughly know wat happen to us bba. iit's soo obviious lorrs.
dden after tat all go lerrs, ii still stay ther talk to xiiao tiian, dden one guy always iin iinternet dde cum c fone dden we got talk dden he lii siiao miie go tell ah dii "iif ii wanna siianx her, ok mahhs?"
ah dii repliies "she iishx our bro dde siiao ehx, dubb aniihow."
dden suddenly feel more sad.
dden ii saiid "ah dii, dubb aniihow saiid larrs, miie n ah boii realii nothiing dde lehhs, we oso nv talk liiao"
dden he repliies "nv talk? ii iinsiide got camara dde hors, lata ii go c arx."
dden he go off lerrs.
haiis.
dden tat guy go iin dden jus niice ii was iinsiide.
tat guy askk ah mel "mel, she ah boii siiao ehx arx?"
dden dunno wat ah mel replies, cant heard.
dden ii turn back and saiid "ii alreadii saiid iim not"
dden he lii siiao "euu not, dden follow miie lorrs"
dden ii walk out and saiid "aiiya, dubb wan talk to euu liiao larrs"

today, oso saw viincent, ii was smokiing iin hp shop, he came over lii siiao n saiid,
"mei nu, wat euu doiin huh?"
ii replies "smokiing lorrs, dubb lii siiao miie, bad mood today, haiis"
he repliies "bad mood? quarrel wiith xiiang ho larrs"
dden he walk away, ii oso nv reply, keep silent.

haiis. sot arx. wen iim soo unhappii over miie n hiim dde matter, dden suddenly soo manii ppl cum diisturb miie over miie n hiim. wtf? haiis. sot arx. crazy arx.

today choose not to go home soo early, at fiirst yiixiin suggest to go bq, but as no much ppl wanna go plus ii oso dubb realii feeliing liike goiin, feel liike driinkiing dden at panjang slack lorrs, till 2 plus xiin go home fiirst dden miie n yiing go block downstaiir chat. ii tell her alot of thiing. all moii feeliing till 3 plus dden go home. haiis
why why why?
why onlii until now dden she tell miie everythiing?
now dden ii now all along,
he had bbeen concern abt miie sooo much tat iit more dden wat ii could c.
wen ii throw the straw heart away, he actually diid feel heartaches, feel regret.
everytiime we quarrel he was actually soo concern abt iit n diid tell yiing dde.
all along, he had actually done sooo much coz of miie n was realii soo seriious to miie, iit's all lots more dden wat ii could see n expected. iin the past ii tot he dubb realii care tat much dde.
wen ii heard all tiis, ii was liike goiin crazy. the tears all feel liike droppiing sooo much lorrs. realii feel liike bangiing the wall n diie.
why iim soo stupiid? nv seen a gal soo stupiid liike miie before lorrs. haiis

ii realii feel soooooooooo weak, sooooooo tiired now. haiis.
there's once ii tot we are realii meant to bbe tog dde. ii can realii fiind a gud guy liike hiim but now seem liike iim blowiing iit off wiith moii own hands.
haiis.
iif one more chance will bbe giiven to miie,
iif tiime could ever turn back,
iim sure ii will treasure siince the startiing poiint,
wun let hiim go agaiin.

realii dunno am ii makiing the correct deciisiion or not.
wat iishx riight & wat iishx wrong?
ii realii dunno.

CONFUSED
VEXED!!!

HAPPINESS ALWAYS
SEEM TO BE
SHORT,

WHILE ;

SADNESS ALWAYS
SEEM TO BE
ETERNITY.

That's When I Y0u

5:22 AM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

god iishx jus makiing fun of miie agaiin n agaiin. happiiness always seem to bbe soo short n sadness always seem to bbe eterniity, always seem to bbe endless. after sooo manii thiing, afraiid of beiing hurt. ii know ii can nv replace her's place, ii rather giive upp.
moii miind all blank out tat niite, droppiing tears iin silent whiile iim pretend to bbe happii liisteniing to hiis sorrows tat niite. headaches as excuse, to hang upp the phone wen ii cant take iit, cant continue liisteniing to everythiing. diidnt realii went to slp straiight coz ii realii cant slp.
heartaches seeiing the wound he do to hiimself, b4 goiin out ytd afternoon, had alreadii told moiiself, ii cant bbe soft hearted. but wen he iishx hurtiing hiimself, ii jus cant pretend as iif ii cant c, ii cant heard n jus walk away, moii heart gone soft n ii turn back.
seeiing all tiis iin moii eyes, heardiing all tiis wiith moii ears, the paiin iishx killiing miie. iim iin a great paiin to act as iif ii dubb care lerrs, ii dubb love lerrs. iim not jealous, ii noe iit over lerrs, but jus dunno why moii heart jus feeliing sooo uneasy, sooo unhappii.
chiiong? should say ii jus wanna driink. onlii liiquors can make miie criied everythiing out, ii had been beariing iit till ii cant breath lerrs.
ii not here to cry coz we quarrel over the matter of ii went to bq and end upp we are now iin a verii worst status. siince the moment ii deciide to go out, deciide to jiio yiing out fer driink, all thiing are alreadii iin moii expectatiion. soo aiin't cryiing over tiis iishx poiintless?
iishx the thiing ii see wiith moii eyes, hear wiith moii ears, feel wiith moii heart make miie criied. haiis. ii not here to say tat iim regret or wat, siince ii choose tiis path, ii wun let moii self regret.
ii will forget euu.
seeiing the thiing euu wrote iin msn, heartaches, bleediing. ii can onlii say,perhaps we met iin the wrong tiime bba. or perhaps ii should say iishx iin the fiirst place ii dubb wan treasure, till ii realii treasure iishx too late lerrs, thiing liike tiis happen. frm the thiing euu saiid, ii can feel tat iin ur heart still got her, still have feeliing fer her bba. haiis. ii can nv replace her place, ii rather giive upp. ii afraiid of hurt lerrs.

was soo bad mood, suddenly he cum chat wiith miie,makiing moii mood abiit more gud. chatted verii long wiith hiim. fiirst tiime siia. been a long tiime we nv joke around liike tiis lerrs. dunno y. after soo long lerrs, besiide xiiangho, he still the one who can cheer miie upp. haiis.

haiis. eddy n xiiangho iishx the onlii two ii love soo much, soo deeply but both of them iishx the one hurt miie most, cause moii heart most paiin. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

2:46 AM

Friday, April 20, 2007

haiis. recently sooo moodless lorrs. dunno why. verii fan lorrs. haiis. dunno wat iim thiinkiing oso. haiis. everyday feel soo pek chye larrs. haiis. jus few day before quarrel wiith yiing. haiis. dunno wat she wan lorrs. haiis. cumiing 19 lerrs still dunno how to think. quite worry fer her larrs. hope she realii go back to study n study hard lorrs. hope she realii know how to thiink lorrs.
hahax. one week plus nv chiiong lerrs. everyday go home slp. liike piig liiao lorrs. more n more fat lerrs. omg. haiis. but iif continue iin tiis status ii thiink soon ii will get crazy agaiin. dden go back to moii chiiong n flirt liife dde.
haiis. hope NOBODY n NOTHING to make miie gone crazy agaiin lorrs. haiis. fan arx. pek chye arx. wan crazy liiao arx.

learn sumthiing recently

* TREASURE ur loved one before iit's too LATE *

That's When I Y0u

7:10 PM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

jus went to viiew thru moii previious blog posts. the thiing happened between miie n "HIM". sooo much memoriies. sooo much hurts. sooo much heartaches. sooo much sadness.
today jus heard frm jef, he now dde gf iishx actually tat 'suzana', they patched back. and diiscovered one more thiing abt "HIM". haiis. wen ii saw tat msg sooo diisappoiinted. wanderiing why am ii sooo crazy iin love wiith hiim iin the past? why am ii forgiive hiim fer betrayiing miie agaiin n agaiin? waiited fer sooo long fer hiis return, cry soo much, gave iin to hiim n our's relatiionshiip soo much fer wat??
haiis. dunno wat to saiid oso, onlii can saiid ii fell fer the wrong guy bba. he jus iisn't moii mr riite.
but actually untiil now, ii still realii hope to know, weather had he realii loved miie once? the ring, had he thrown? he realii nv treasure miie n the everythiing between us before? not even tat one sec?
ii know all tiis will jus always remaiin as a questiion mark iin moii heart dde.
even until now, iim still wanderiing, all along am ii realii failed to bbe a gud gf? haiis. now always wen thiink of startiing a new relatiionshiip will afraiid tat iim not gud eluff.
haiis. moii liife, moii miind all bbeiing messed upp.
lookiing back at back to the everythiing wiith "HIM", iit's jus liike a sweet dream suddenly became niightmare. out of a sudden, ii fell to the bottom.

tat periiod of tiime iif ii realii nv met moii darliing, ii miight had alreadii break down, ii miight had alreadii changed to the worst of the worst bby now. ii dunno how to get over everythiing.
now, "HIS" everythiing iim not gonna concern aniimore, the onlii thiing ii concern now was jus XIANGHO.
although, ii dunno hiis attitude, hiis temper can ii realii take iit or not. but ii will try to.
now, jus realii love hiim sooo much. treasure hiim sooo much. cant afford to lose hiim. the feeliing fer hiim jus liike the feeliing fer "HIM" iin the past, and iit's even more stronger.
ii onlii hope, he dubb make miie diisappoiinted, dubb bbe liike "HIM", dubb make miie let moii hand go, coz ii realii dubb wan to.

lookiing back of the everythiing wiith "HIM". all along, ii had bbeen keep holdiing on, do everythiing ii can to mend back our's relatiionshiip, hold "HIM" back. "HE" had nv ever realii hold miie back n treasure miie once but yet moii love fer "HIM" was jus sooo subborn, even "HE" had lefted, iim still unwilliing to let go of "HIS" hand n put "HIM" down.
onlii untill ii found sumone tat would treasure miie n hold miie back dden ii fiinally realiise, euu're not the one ii should hold back, euu're the one ii should treasure n euu're oso not the one tat worth fer miie to do everythiing ii can to mend back our relatiionshiip.
the one ii should treasure, to hold back was onlii moii darliing, he iishx the one worth fer miie to do everythiing to stop hiim frm leaviing.

thanks fer passiing bby moii liife to let miie learned sumthiing, to let miie met moii lovely darliing and to let miie wake upp n realise whiich type of guys ii should treasure, and whiich type ii should not.

*missJAC learned not to shown anii forgiivness to guys tat betray her frm mrEDDY EFFENDY*

` -SiignOff- `
` -missJAC- `
` -LOVE- `
` -XiangHo- `
` -7.05am- `

Labels: missJAC sooo sooo sooo crazy iin love wiith XiangHo

That's When I Y0u

5:56 AM

Sunday, April 15, 2007

today, sooo sooo sooo unhappii iin the fiirst place lorrs. coz of darliing. haiis. broken promiises agaiin. at fiirst realii wanna break all promiise, go driink, go hong, go chiiong dde. but end upp hiis attitude today still quiite gud larrs, and after sum talk, moii heart oso get soft lerrs. dden nv go lerrs, after work, go hiis house peii hiim, around 1 plus dden go home lerrs.
today the talk wen he let miie recall back the thiing happen between us, almost criied.
wen the tiimes he jus came to work, always dii siiao miie. wen the tiimes we fiirst tiime go to boat quey tog, n the rest of the tiimes we went to bq tog. wen the tiimes iim drunk, he was the one takiing care of miie. wen the tiimes iim soo sad over "HIM", he was the one stayiing by moii siide. wen the tiimes ii criied over "HIM", he was the one to console miie n make miie laugh. wen the tiimes iim siick, he was the one to care n concern abt miie.wen ii still crazy iin love wiith "HIM", he was the one tat make miie forget "HIM". wen the tiimes at bq, ii almost criied coz "HIM", he iishx the one to change the aii haii tao tao lyriic to make miie laugh.
wen we quarrel, the heartpaiin we had. wen he iishx not around, how much ii miss hiim. wen he get caught, how worry ii am.
the everythiing had alreadii becum soo iimportant to miie now, wen the tiimes wiith hiim, jokiing around, playiing around. suddenly recall back of all tiis, feel soo memorable, soo xiinfu.
but wen the tiime haviing arguement wiith hiim, all tiis memoriies iishx the thiing tat make miie cry badly. cause moii heart gettiing more n more paiin.
ii know moii self verii clearly, euu are the one ii should treasure. euu are the one ii love now.
iin the past, ii diid treasure euu. but iishx too unfaiir to euu coz tat tiime "HE" still exiist iin moii heart. ii cant expect euu to stay.
wen ii realii fall fer euu lerrs, ii got no trust fer guy, no confiident iin relatiionshiip. ii cant request euu not to leave. continue to treat miie gud wen ii cant even put iin the trust to euu.
wen ii fiinally deciide to giive iin a try, giive euu the trust. euu break the promiise. a broken promiise miight meant nothiing to other, but euu know dde. to miie, broken promiise iishx the maiin reason fer miie to lost trust to guy, to lost confident iin relatiionshiip. ii started to stepped back. back to driink, back to hong. iin other siide, iishx oso to kiiat euu back larrs. but ii was afraiid iin the future wen we tog, ther will bbe more broken promiises.
wen tat day we quarrel till sooo jiialet, ii suddenly black out, ii dunno wat to do. jus afraiid euu will bbe leaviing. criied n criied. sec guy ii criied sooo long fer hiim. but the tiime ii criied tat day ii know iishx longer "HIM". frm dragonfly ther started to cry dden reach ur house ther lerrs, still cryiing, at cab goiin back till reach yiing house downstaiir. still cryiing. wen walkiing back reach home lerrs, update fiinish blog still cryiing. cry moii self to slp.
*dotx. pro lehhs. dunno tat day ii go wher fiind sooo manii tears to criied siia*
tat moment, realii feel liike let euu go lerrs. ii afraiid of broken promiises, afraiid of beiing hurt agaiin. afraiid to treatiing euu unfaiir. afraiid tat ii cant bbe gud eluff fer euu iif tog, afraiid tat ii cant put iin trust agaiin after ur broken promiise. afraiid ur love fer miie iishx not real, coz sumtiime tell miie euu fall fer miie iin a verii seriious way, sumtiime tell miie iin a dii siiao way.
until euu gave miie the ans. ii thiink iit throughly, rather dden coz of sooo much afraiid and let euu go, why not get riid n heck care everythiing n hold euu back. giive iin a try. euu teach miie dde. nv try ii will nv know wat the outcome will bbe.
ii dubb wan to act as ii dubb care wen ii realii care, act as ii dubb love wen ii love. act as iim happii wen iim not. act as ii can liive wiithout euu wen ii realii cant lerrs. dubb wanna hiide moii feeliing lerrs wen euu are the one ii need now.
euu can say ii nv treasure euu before at all coz euu cant c n cant feel iit. upp to euu to beliieve or not. ii not goiin to explaiin aniimore.
iif euu wanna leave now fer a beta giirl, dden go bba. take iit as we are not meant to bbe tog, got no fate.
wan continue to break ur promiise or wat, upp to euu. ii wun scold euu or angry lerrs. will bbe jus liike today.
coz euu rem tat day euu teached miie sumthiing. ii got no riight to askk euu keep ur promiise. iim nobody to euu. iishx not upp to miie to angry, to scold euu wen we nv even started.
euu make miie wake upp, euu make miie realiise tiis. not ii dubb wanna care iishx ii cant.

haiis. tat day at rush wat yiixiin scold miie iishx riight larrs. actually, we love each other dde, but why must we always do thiing to kiiat each other, to make each other angry. haiis. ii oso dunno. always make till end upp quarrel liike hell. heartpaiin liike fuck. dden miie cry till liike waterfall.
nan dao bu ke yii hao hao dde zaii yii qii mahhs? haiis. but overall he still a super gud guy larrs, jus tat sumtiimes got SERIOUS ATTITUDE PROBLEM, and wen angry the TEMPER super bad lorrs.

actually he understand miie quiite well, know wat ii niid, wat type of guy ii niid. alot of thiing abt miie he oso know. but sumtiime wat iim thiinkiing, he jus cant understand.
hahax. euu not realii understand miie tat throughly lorrs. coz iim always hiidiing moii feeliing n xiin shii, alot of thiing wun say out dde. do euu know, sumtiime wen iim rather crazy but actually iim not happii at all??? hahax. sure dunno dde. bleahx.
and stupiid euu, ii liisten to aii haii tao tao will cry not coz of "HIM", iishx coz of euu k? rem tat day at cupiid bar wiith eriic they all tat day?

heard frm yiixiin, "HE" cum back lerrs. feeliing abiit weiird weiird dde. lucky tat day go down batok fiind jef they all nv saw hiim iif not oso dunno wat to say or how to react. funnii, today saw hiis niick wriite till sooo guofen. ii diid feel angry, but alreadii not liike last 2 day sooo angry lerrs. nv feel liike cariing sooo much oso lerrs. even hiis niick say he nv realii love miie before all tiis. heart no longer feeliing paiin lerrs, tears no longer feel liike droppiing down lerrs. jus ytd dden totally deleted every photo wiith hiim dde frm moii com n hp lerrs. changed everythiing tat diid mentiion or related to hiim lerrs. tiis tiime, realii the end lerrs. realii full stop lerrs.

a last msg fer "HIM",
all along, no matter wat euu had done, even until now, ii nv hate euu at all. ther no riight or wrong iin relatiionshiip. soo no poiint hatiing euu. aniiway, both of us are getting beta, liiviing happiiler after we break upp. and found sumone tat we realii love lerrs, tat mean the deciisiion of breakiing upp iishx riight arx. jus take verii gud care of urself. hope euu n ur new giirl will bbe happii n may both of euu last. continue to liive as happii as now. bye.

` -SiignOff- `
` -missJAC- `
` -Love- `
` -XiangHo- `
` -6.20am- `

That's When I Y0u

4:45 AM

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

today had a real seriious quarrel wiith moii darliing, till now still not ok yet. proposely make hiim thiink tat iim honger, flirt kiia. coz ii know iim not a gud gf fer hiim. he should deserve sumone beta.
proposely to get close to guy, but still cant get hiim out of moii miind. dunno how long ii criied. but iim sure iishx longer dden the tiime ii criied fer eddy. haiis. ii know ii love hiim. but ii cant promiise hiim aniithiing, not even beiing a gud gf. haiis. soo ii rather he go fiind a giirl tat much more beta dden miie.
how paiin moii heart iishx? how sad ii am? thiink nobody will know bba. driink till sooo drunk now yet cant get to slp. haiis. iim regret but ii niid to do sooo.
fiirstly, ii dubb wanna hurt aniione. secondly, iim afraiid of beiing hurt, iim afraiid of cryiing. hope he could find sumone beta.
ii wan hiim to hate miie forever. ii thiink he realii xiinku bba. changed fer the thiing he promiise miie. jus wan hiim to bbe back hiimself but ii know ii cant accept iit dde. sooo ii rather bbe the bad giirl tat seem liike all along iim playiing wiith hiim.
he shouldnt change fer wat he promiise miie bba, coz iim not hiis gf and iim not worth of iit.
heart soooo soooo paiin wen ii heard euu sayiing why must he hate miie wen we nv start at all, why must he angry wen iim nobody to hiim. but wat he say iishx riight. wat riight do ii have to angry wiith all hiis actiion n control hiim wen he's not related to miie. wat can ii say wen ii not even hiis gf? hais. jus take care bba. love euu. haiis. hate miie fer liife bba. iim not a gud giirl, not a gud gf.

guy outsiide, pls stop askiing miie weather we got chance mahhs. coz iin moii heart now iishx onlii moii darliing. no other else. wun wan to get tog wiith aniione else. leave miie alone fer tiis periiod of tiime. ii onlii wan hiim now but no choiice but to let go. haiis.
iif ther one more chance and ii know he realii seriious, ii will sure accept hiim, bbe a gud gf n nv hong jus liike how ii treat eddy or even beta. haiis. but thiink tiis day wun cum lerrs bba.

That's When I Y0u

7:45 AM

Monday, April 09, 2007

ytd went to boat quay wiith moii baobeii jiieying, huii fen n her frenz. went to es and driink. almost tiio wiith mattew gan laopo. dden her god brother kept askk miie to giive hiim face, puii hiim ar. who hiim siia? why must ii giive hiim face. sooo iirriitatiing lorrs. fuck hiim siia.
erm. dden quarrel wiith dardar until today lorrs. haiis. sorrii dardar larrs. ii know iishx moii fault lorrs. dubb angry larrs. sorrii. euu today dubb go niight club hong lehhs. ii dubb wan euu go larrs. jealous larrs.
hahax. and the msg iin msn. touch lorrs. hehex. love euu more n more lerrs. muackks muackks. dubb angry lerrs k? sorrii sorrii. wo zii dao cuo lerrs. yii hou bu gan lerrs. love euu.

That's When I Y0u

5:34 PM

Sunday, April 08, 2007

haiis. ytd was saywee birthday and we all went to rush. haiis. but ii diidnt enjoy at all coz been quarrel wiith hiim fer the whole day. haiis. recently we always quarrel norx. not liike last tiime soo gud lerrs.
after rush, ii was realii sooo angry n sad till ii criied lorrs. dden quarrel wiith hiim till more worst lorrs. sayiing wat dubb thiink ii cry dden wiin liiao hors. haiis. wat siia? ii not ther cryiing jus becoz ii wan to wiin or wan hiim to hong miie lorrs. pls lorrs. iif ii dubb love a person, ii wun bother hiim sooo much dde. wat he wanna do, jus upp to hiim. wun wan hiim to promiise miie aniithiing, even promiise lerrs, end upp break iit, ii oso wun angry or haf anii reactiion dde lorrs, ii wun cry oso.
dden ii told hiim, iif he wanna break hiis promiies, dden he wan gamble dden go norx, ii wun care lerrs. and ii walk asiide, criied even more badly lorrs, huggiing yiixiin n cry lorrs. dden after awhile, iim sooo moodless, dden miie n xiin went to take cab. planniing to go home straight dde. at cab, cry liike nobody busiiness. haiis. wen we reachiing hiigh way, he called miie usiing yiing hp. askk miie go to hiis house downstaiir to look fer hiim. dden u-turn back lorrs.
reach ther stop all moii tears, act as iin nothiing happen. tryiing hard to control moii tears lorrs. dden after sum talk. we ok lerrs. after he went home n ii went to bq n look fer robiin n hiis frenz lorrs. around 6 plus go home lerrs.
haiis. today went to work, kept giiviing miie attitude lorrs. kaoz. sooo fed up n angry lorrs, dunno wen ii offered hiim. but promiise to change moii attitude lerrs. soo kept control lorrs. all the way stay outsiide lorrs. dubb wanna go iin sooo much. afraiid tat ii cant control dden quarrel agaiin. haiis.
ytd beiing scold by xiin lorrs. she say both of us oso love each other dde, but why must we always do thiing to make each other angry? at cab she say she realii dubb understand lorrs, got one guy tat ii could bbe tog happiily dde ii dubb wan and now causiing moii self liike tat. haiis.
haiis. dunno why lorrs. now we jus consiider as frenz onlii lorrs, yet alreadii quarrel sooo often, cant iimagiine how iit will bbe iif one day we realii tog.
haiis. everytiime quarrel wiith hiim realii heart paiin, realii sad dde and tears jus cant control dde lorrs, the feeliing jus liike the past wen ii quarrel wiith hiim lorrs. fiirst guy lorrs, not yet tog alreadii make miie cry soo manii tiime fer hiim lorrs.
dunno y.watever he do or say, ii jus will miind n care alots dde lorrs wen ii dubb even know weather will he realii care or miind wiith the thiing ii do or say lorrs. haiis.
hate to quarrel wiith hiim lorrs, hate the feeliing of cryiing lorrs.
why must he break the promiise agaiin n agaiin wen ii had putted iin moii trust fer hiim? love wasnt jus tat easy lorrs. haiis.
perhaps iim cariing too much wen iim not hiis aniione, maybb ii should do liike the past wen ii jus get to know hiim, dubb care too much lorrs. haiis. why iishx love always tat hurts???

ya. lastly, iit was yuan cii daddii biirthday ytd oso, happii birthday yuancii daddii n saywee. hope euu all enjoy urself. sorrii daddii tat ii diidnt celebrate ur biirthday coz ii onlii get to know iin the last miin n ii had alreadii promiise them tat ii will bbe attendiing another biirthday boii dde celebratiion lerrs. sorrii wors. dubb angry hors. free dden go down lot 1 find euu kk?

That's When I Y0u

4:26 AM

Thursday, April 05, 2007

today beiing bluff lorrs. he say he today off. diidnt came to work. dunno why feeliing soo unhappii wen ii heard tat. hahax. but wen ii reach ii saw hiim workiing. feel happii at tat moment. dunno why.
today thursday lerrs. diidnt expect tat he will realii stop gambliing soccer. soo shock lorrs. but liike tat was sumthiing diifferent frm the past lehhs. but jus cant say out wat the problem. jus the feeliing soo weiird larrs. haiis. love a person sooo xiinku. haiis.
short post fer today larrs. gonna get back to work. dunno wat to post oso. mood abiit weiird weiird dde. liike verii happii but sumtiime will suddenly turn bad n turn back to gud. haiis. wat happen siia???

That's When I Y0u

7:36 PM

today moii off day wors, went to tanjong pagar fer moii sec counselliing sessiion. dden went to shoppiing, buy two cloth at onlii 39 lehhs. hehex. went over to moii workplace at around 8 plus to look fer kiiat kor kor n hiim. haiis. jus to go down to look fer hiim n acc hiim lorrs.
askk kiiat kor kor not to tell hiim, wanna giive a supriise. tot he would bbe verii happii. but end upp wen ii reach, he dubb seem happii lorrs. nv realii care abt miie. jus kept siittiing infront of the com, gambliing on soccer. haiis. feel sooo unhappii larrs.
kept tiio hiis attitude today oso. haiis. sooo angry. erm. deciided not to force hiim aniimore lerrs, he wan gamble, go ahead bba. ii wun angry, wan spend money or wan do aniithiing he liike upp to hiim bba. ii wun say a words lerrs. haiis.
no mood to wriite lerrs. dunno wat to wriite oso. jus feel sooo sad, sooo diisappoiinted, sooo unhappii.

That's When I Y0u

12:55 AM

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

ytd had a seriious quarrel wiith hiim. haiis. iit's was rather sad n heart pain. seeiing hiim deletiing the testii n the comment he wrote fer miie. and ii moii self deleted the piic taken wiith hiim frm moii friiendster as he request. haiis. and throw away the straw heart ii make fer hiim iin tiis periiod of tiime moii self. iit's was soo soo soo heart paiin lorrs. and realii jus feel liike cryiing soo soo soo much lorrs. haiis. control n control. dden at niite went to boat quey wiith hiim n kiiat kor kor. still soo unhappii. still soo sad. still soo heart paiin. but jus to pretend as iif iim verii happii. coz ii dubb wanna spoilt aniione mood or have a quarrel agaiin. haiis.
reach home around 5. get everythiing done n went to bed at around 6. turniing round n round. jus cant get to slp. haiis. been thiinkiing of the quarrel. end up cry. haiis.
yiing told miie lots of thiing ytd. been thiinkiing iit throughly agaiin n agaiin. deciided to giive iin a try. trust hiim at lease once.but onlii on the day he deciided to realii quiit gambliing on soccer iishx the day ii will bbe tog wiith hiim. ii can accept hiis everythiing. jus two thiing ii couldnt accept. one iishx gambliing on soccer, another wan he should know wat iit iishx.
he promiise onlii until tiis thursday. hope he can realii stop.
today wake upp early n cum down early, jus to accompany hiim lorrs. cum down wiith a verii happii mood. but wen seeiing hiim gambliing. haiis. diisliike sooo much. but jus choose to keep silent coz dubb wanna quarrel agaiin. haiis. realii verii xiinku lorrs. haiis. mood turned bad. feel liike cryiing sooo much. agaiin, control n control. haiis. tot ii realii as wat ii say tat ii dubb care mehhs? haiis.
feeliing we're gettiing more n more iimpossiible to bbe tog lorrs. today wen saw hiim, the fiirst feeliing iishx he weiird weiird dde. the way he treat miie liike sooo sooo sooo biig diifferent frm past? am ii jus beiing too sensatiive? haiis.
no mood to wriite. more n more feel liike cryiing. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

3:13 PM

Sunday, April 01, 2007

haiis. beiing quiite moodless tiis few days. haiis. always got sumthiing on moii miind tat ii been thiinkiing n thiinkiing. kept consiideriing. haiis. recently ii fall iin love iin "sumone". but no matter how gud he treat miie. ii jus cant trust hiim lorrs. haiis. after 'he' brought to miie dde hurts. ii cant trust anii guy lerrs. plus tat "sumone" iis sooo flirt iin the past. jus liike "him". and now dde miie becum more n more sensative. haiis. how to start a new relationship iin tiis case??
haiis. ii know ii had alreadii almost fully putted hiim down. but ii got no confiident iin relatiionshiip n no trust iin guy lerrs. haiis. but moii feeliing fer tat sumone iishx gettiin more n more stronger. but startiing a relationshiip wiithout putting iin the trust iishx verii unfaiir to the another one lorrs. ii cant do such thiing on sumone ii truely love. although iishx not tat deep. but as long as ii had the feeliing on tat person, ii cant do such kiind of thiing. and now dde miie ii cant promiise tat ii could bbe a verii gud gf liike the past. haiis. dunno wat to do oso.
at tiime ii realii feel sooo weak, feel liike fiindiing sumone fer miie to lye on. but ii dubb wanna start a relatiionshiip and end upp hurtiing aniione. haiis. but wat should ii do wen the feeliing iishx gettiing stronger n stronger? haiis.

That's When I Y0u

4:49 PM