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Sunday, April 15, 2007

today, sooo sooo sooo unhappii iin the fiirst place lorrs. coz of darliing. haiis. broken promiises agaiin. at fiirst realii wanna break all promiise, go driink, go hong, go chiiong dde. but end upp hiis attitude today still quiite gud larrs, and after sum talk, moii heart oso get soft lerrs. dden nv go lerrs, after work, go hiis house peii hiim, around 1 plus dden go home lerrs.
today the talk wen he let miie recall back the thiing happen between us, almost criied.
wen the tiimes he jus came to work, always dii siiao miie. wen the tiimes we fiirst tiime go to boat quey tog, n the rest of the tiimes we went to bq tog. wen the tiimes iim drunk, he was the one takiing care of miie. wen the tiimes iim soo sad over "HIM", he was the one stayiing by moii siide. wen the tiimes ii criied over "HIM", he was the one to console miie n make miie laugh. wen the tiimes iim siick, he was the one to care n concern abt miie.wen ii still crazy iin love wiith "HIM", he was the one tat make miie forget "HIM". wen the tiimes at bq, ii almost criied coz "HIM", he iishx the one to change the aii haii tao tao lyriic to make miie laugh.
wen we quarrel, the heartpaiin we had. wen he iishx not around, how much ii miss hiim. wen he get caught, how worry ii am.
the everythiing had alreadii becum soo iimportant to miie now, wen the tiimes wiith hiim, jokiing around, playiing around. suddenly recall back of all tiis, feel soo memorable, soo xiinfu.
but wen the tiime haviing arguement wiith hiim, all tiis memoriies iishx the thiing tat make miie cry badly. cause moii heart gettiing more n more paiin.
ii know moii self verii clearly, euu are the one ii should treasure. euu are the one ii love now.
iin the past, ii diid treasure euu. but iishx too unfaiir to euu coz tat tiime "HE" still exiist iin moii heart. ii cant expect euu to stay.
wen ii realii fall fer euu lerrs, ii got no trust fer guy, no confiident iin relatiionshiip. ii cant request euu not to leave. continue to treat miie gud wen ii cant even put iin the trust to euu.
wen ii fiinally deciide to giive iin a try, giive euu the trust. euu break the promiise. a broken promiise miight meant nothiing to other, but euu know dde. to miie, broken promiise iishx the maiin reason fer miie to lost trust to guy, to lost confident iin relatiionshiip. ii started to stepped back. back to driink, back to hong. iin other siide, iishx oso to kiiat euu back larrs. but ii was afraiid iin the future wen we tog, ther will bbe more broken promiises.
wen tat day we quarrel till sooo jiialet, ii suddenly black out, ii dunno wat to do. jus afraiid euu will bbe leaviing. criied n criied. sec guy ii criied sooo long fer hiim. but the tiime ii criied tat day ii know iishx longer "HIM". frm dragonfly ther started to cry dden reach ur house ther lerrs, still cryiing, at cab goiin back till reach yiing house downstaiir. still cryiing. wen walkiing back reach home lerrs, update fiinish blog still cryiing. cry moii self to slp.
*dotx. pro lehhs. dunno tat day ii go wher fiind sooo manii tears to criied siia*
tat moment, realii feel liike let euu go lerrs. ii afraiid of broken promiises, afraiid of beiing hurt agaiin. afraiid to treatiing euu unfaiir. afraiid tat ii cant bbe gud eluff fer euu iif tog, afraiid tat ii cant put iin trust agaiin after ur broken promiise. afraiid ur love fer miie iishx not real, coz sumtiime tell miie euu fall fer miie iin a verii seriious way, sumtiime tell miie iin a dii siiao way.
until euu gave miie the ans. ii thiink iit throughly, rather dden coz of sooo much afraiid and let euu go, why not get riid n heck care everythiing n hold euu back. giive iin a try. euu teach miie dde. nv try ii will nv know wat the outcome will bbe.
ii dubb wan to act as ii dubb care wen ii realii care, act as ii dubb love wen ii love. act as iim happii wen iim not. act as ii can liive wiithout euu wen ii realii cant lerrs. dubb wanna hiide moii feeliing lerrs wen euu are the one ii need now.
euu can say ii nv treasure euu before at all coz euu cant c n cant feel iit. upp to euu to beliieve or not. ii not goiin to explaiin aniimore.
iif euu wanna leave now fer a beta giirl, dden go bba. take iit as we are not meant to bbe tog, got no fate.
wan continue to break ur promiise or wat, upp to euu. ii wun scold euu or angry lerrs. will bbe jus liike today.
coz euu rem tat day euu teached miie sumthiing. ii got no riight to askk euu keep ur promiise. iim nobody to euu. iishx not upp to miie to angry, to scold euu wen we nv even started.
euu make miie wake upp, euu make miie realiise tiis. not ii dubb wanna care iishx ii cant.

haiis. tat day at rush wat yiixiin scold miie iishx riight larrs. actually, we love each other dde, but why must we always do thiing to kiiat each other, to make each other angry. haiis. ii oso dunno. always make till end upp quarrel liike hell. heartpaiin liike fuck. dden miie cry till liike waterfall.
nan dao bu ke yii hao hao dde zaii yii qii mahhs? haiis. but overall he still a super gud guy larrs, jus tat sumtiimes got SERIOUS ATTITUDE PROBLEM, and wen angry the TEMPER super bad lorrs.

actually he understand miie quiite well, know wat ii niid, wat type of guy ii niid. alot of thiing abt miie he oso know. but sumtiime wat iim thiinkiing, he jus cant understand.
hahax. euu not realii understand miie tat throughly lorrs. coz iim always hiidiing moii feeliing n xiin shii, alot of thiing wun say out dde. do euu know, sumtiime wen iim rather crazy but actually iim not happii at all??? hahax. sure dunno dde. bleahx.
and stupiid euu, ii liisten to aii haii tao tao will cry not coz of "HIM", iishx coz of euu k? rem tat day at cupiid bar wiith eriic they all tat day?

heard frm yiixiin, "HE" cum back lerrs. feeliing abiit weiird weiird dde. lucky tat day go down batok fiind jef they all nv saw hiim iif not oso dunno wat to say or how to react. funnii, today saw hiis niick wriite till sooo guofen. ii diid feel angry, but alreadii not liike last 2 day sooo angry lerrs. nv feel liike cariing sooo much oso lerrs. even hiis niick say he nv realii love miie before all tiis. heart no longer feeliing paiin lerrs, tears no longer feel liike droppiing down lerrs. jus ytd dden totally deleted every photo wiith hiim dde frm moii com n hp lerrs. changed everythiing tat diid mentiion or related to hiim lerrs. tiis tiime, realii the end lerrs. realii full stop lerrs.

a last msg fer "HIM",
all along, no matter wat euu had done, even until now, ii nv hate euu at all. ther no riight or wrong iin relatiionshiip. soo no poiint hatiing euu. aniiway, both of us are getting beta, liiviing happiiler after we break upp. and found sumone tat we realii love lerrs, tat mean the deciisiion of breakiing upp iishx riight arx. jus take verii gud care of urself. hope euu n ur new giirl will bbe happii n may both of euu last. continue to liive as happii as now. bye.


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