♥ I L0ve Y0u , Endlessly ♥

Saturday, June 30, 2007

今天，
心情好复杂，
无止境的悲伤与痛一直在我心中徘徊，
但悲伤之中又带着一丝丝的喜悦。
真的不知道自己在想什麽。

对那个地方的感觉跟平时很不同，
不管走到哪里都会钩起一些些的回忆。
让我想起在这将近半年的时光，
我和他在那里大大小小发生过的事。

那里是我们相识的地方，

是我们爱上对方的地方，

也是我们留下最多回忆的地方。

在那里有我们爱过，
吵过的行迹。
一起闹，
说笑，
斗嘴时的喜悦。
互相疼爱，
关心过的温暖。

一幕幕的出现在我脑海中，

好美也好痛。

我真的好想时间永远的停留在那一刻，

但时间始终还是一分一秒的过去，

一刻也没有停留过。

ii still rem,

euu been always disturbiing siince the fiirst tiime euu saw miie,

everytiime ii jus iignore n walk out.

dden euu always tell miie,

小姐，你很dao lehhs, 你卖刀的啊？

everytiime ii help euu switch on tat board dde liight,

euu will tell miie

小姐，不要跌倒lehhs.

fiirst tiime ii respond to euu iishx wen euu askk miie,

小姐，吃饱了没有？

and ii saiid

吃饱了。

rem the day tat ii call euu darliing fer the fiirst tiime?

rem the tiimes ii always take euu as moii 掸剑牌 iinfront of ah joe's son?

rem the straw heart tat everyday ii will giive euu one dde.

rem the fiirst tiime euu cum boat quey fiind miie?

ii was soo drunk n euu nearly get iinto a fiight wiith tat guy.

dden euu walk off n briing miie along.

ii was soo drunk n ii dropped moii hp three tiime.

euu help miie piick upp till pek chye.

at cab ii told euu,

你不要对我这样好，我怕我会爱上你。

rem the day we at momo driink till verii drunk,

iim so angry.

and at ur's house downstaiir,

euu keep wan miie dubb angry wiith euu,

but ii jus keep askk euu to go home.

but the next day wen go to work,

c euu soo sianx,

soo moodless oso go talk to euu back.

and soo manii more.

but one thiing ii will nv forget,

iishx the fiirst tiime we realii quarrel till soo bad.

still rem iishx iinsiide ur iinternet.

coz euu gamble.

iit's was the quarrel tat cause moii heart aches the most.

coz ii see euu deleted away the testii ii wrote to euu

n the testii euu wrote to miie iinfront of miie.

take down all the straw heart tat ii had been foldiing fer euu fer all tat tiime.

askkiing miie to take all back.

n ii throw iit wiith all moii own hand

iit's was liike throwiing all moii effort

and all moii love fer euu iinto the rubbiish biin.

回头看过去，

就连吵架都好美，

眼泪一滴一滴慢慢在落下，

想起我第一次在他面前哭的时候，

他抱住我叫我不要哭了，

真的好想好想，

现在有他在我身边叫我不要哭了。

原来我真的是那麽的爱他，

那麽的放不下他，

忘不了他。

原来没有了他，

我真的会变得如此的脆弱。

上天安排缘份

带领我们找到比此，

安排我们爱上对方，

可是为什麽要等到我想要珍惜时，

才安排我们分开，

为什麽要我走过那麽多痛和悲伤？

在一段爱情里，

我永远不是走迟了一步

就是

走早了一步。

几时才能在对的时候走出对的那一步？

That's When I Y0u

11:51 PM

today realii diid wake upp early n went down. reach there at 11.58am.
erm. . wen ii at cab on moii way down, moii feeliing iishx realii rather complicated. ii realii dunno how to descriipt, liike happii, liike sad, liike nervous. ii jus know moii heart, moii feeliing iishx all messed upp. haiis.
wen ii reach, ii was suddenly liike rather bad mood, ii dubb feel liike talkiing to aniione, dubb feel liike cariing wat they are sayiing. ii kept quiiet n went to the back and put moii bag down, wen ii put moii bag down, moii fiirst feeliing cumiing toward miie was moii tears iishx goiin to drop down lerrs. try soo hard n fiinally kept moii tears iin control.
slowly after sum of theiir joke, ii beiing to smile, but ii saw he ate sumthiing n tat took moii smile away, ii diidnt saiid a word, coz ii realii dunno wat to say. iim oso too tiired n too weak to saiid sumthiing liiao. next, moii feeliing of moii tears goiin to drop down cum toward miie agaiin, agaiin, kept moii tears iin control, coz ii realii dubb wanna shed a tear iinfront of hiim, ii wan iit to bbe kept as a beautiful good bye day iin both of our's heart. ii dubb wanna c aniione unhappii, especiially hiim coz ii know moii tears will sure bother hiim.
but iit's all enough fer miie today lerrs, wen ii request hiim to stay longer to peii miie, he realii diid soo lerrs.
thanks fer ur's stay. could get to c euu soo long today, ii realii verii happii, euu realii let miie leave wiith no regret n goodbye to euu. & thank fer weariing the riing, the riing ii diidnt wear fer quiite long, today coz c euu last tiime ii wear iit back and ii happened to c euu're oso weariing. thanks. no matter the riing euu are weariing fer miie or fer other, the riing jus between miie and euu or still other person have. at lease to miie the riing represent the love we once had, the memoriies tat we shared.
after we left, still get to msg awhile, realii happii especiially wen ii saiid wat ii diie or tiis euu got such a biig reactiion.

haiis. but wen he told miie he meetiing hiis ex toniite, askk miie dubb msg hiim or call hiim. moii heart realii aches, perhaps ii thiink too much, but iit's liike she iimp dden miie, he wouldnt wan to get iinto quarrel wiith her coz of miie. the feeliing realii sux. ii realii hate tiis kiind of feeliing.
but haiis, forget iit bba. siince ii saiid ii will try to forget hiim, even cant oso wun ever bother hiim lerrs. why must ii still get jealous or angry? he wasnt wrong doiin all tiis at all arx, perhaps the one who realii verii wrong was miie.

That's When I Y0u

11:21 PM

tiis iishx moii fourth post of today lerrs. haiis. now iishx alreadii 3.40am and yet ii still cant get to slp, iindeed iim real tiired, ii slp less dden 5 hours, but ii dunno why jus cant slp even after the mediicatiion. haiis. today jus feel liike ii got lots of thiing iin moii heart tat ii wanted to wriite down here, but no matter how ii wriite ii jus cant seem to realii express moii feeliing. iim rather bad mood today, ii dubb feel liike contactiing aniione at all. realii hope to vend all moii unhappiiness out, but ii dunno how to vend iit all out, all ii know was jus kept cryiing n cryiing. haiis. ii cant stop moii tears, ii cant stop the paiin iin moii heart. ii cant stop thiinkiing abt the past, ii cant stop missiing hiim.
ii thiink iif tml ii go iin to hiis iinternet ii thiink ii will criied, coz there too much memoriies wiith hiim ther, ii dubb bear to leave. haiis.
ii dubb bear to stop contact wiith hiim. haiis. but wat can ii still do? ii alreadii left wiith no choiice liiao.
ii now liike a cryiing machiine siia, wenever ii type moii blog ii will sure cry, dden do other thiing oso will suddenly cry. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

3:38 AM

he jus called miie twiice. both tiime oso the same, after he hang upp, ii criied. haiis. even jus a fone call ii oso cry lerrs. how iim goiin to face hiim tml? now whenever thiink of we maybb forever oso wun get to c each other lerrs n thiink of tml, ii will cry liiao.
haiis. wat happen to miie? today on n off, criied n stop. tiis tiime ii realii feel verii verii verii paiin. the tears iin jus totally out of control. iit's jus drop suddenly dde. haiis. fuckiing no mood arx. still kept stayiing at home. ii realii cannot take iit aniimore. ii goiin crazy liiao. verii xiinku. ii buey tahan liiao. how am ii goiin to get over all tiis? how to walk out frm all tiis. haiis.

on another siide, got tog wiith hiim liike dubb have lorrs. whole day no contact lerrs. thiink he diie liiao bba. haiis. oso wun call miie c ii feeliing beta anot. haiiya. dubb care larrs. he wan contact, dubb wan forget iit larrs. ii alreadii verii fan liiao. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

12:21 AM

Friday, June 29, 2007

在我心里，
一直有一个我忘不了也放不下的男人。
他噌经在我最伤心，
最脆弱的时候，
真心的关心我，
疼我，爱我。
不管发生什麽事，
他一定都会在我身边，
安慰我，逗我开心。
他也是唯一真正了解我比我自己了解的还要多。
我们之间有太多，太多的回忆，
是一段我忘不了也不想忘掉的回忆。
可是我重来没有好好的珍惜他，
一次又一次的重复。
至到他离开以后，
我才后悔，
才发现我已深深的爱上他，
不想失去他也不能没有他，
他已成为我心里最重要的人。
我试着挽回，
一直等待他回头爱我，
回到我身边的那一天。
经历了数不清的心痛，
心碎与悲伤，
好多次真的累得好想放弃，
可是还是因为太爱他而一直撑下去。

在好多个夜里，
自己一个人想起我们在一起的每一刻，
一起去过的地方，
一起做过的事，
说过的话，
对比此许下过的承偌，
都会偷偷的掉泪。

已经数不清，
我为了他掉下了多少滴眼泪。

还已为他不再爱我，
我对他不再重要，
他不会再回头爱我，
不会再回到我身边了。
至到我真的无力再撑下去，
带着我的眼泪和悲伤，
心碎与绝望的离开，
我才终于等到我一直以来最想听到的话和结果，
可是全都太迟了。
不管做什麽我都没有办法把他忘记，
他对我依然还是那麽重要，
我依然还是那麽爱他。

这两天，
我每天都伤心，
心碎的不停在哭，
眼泪好像永远都哭不完，
世界好像只剩下我一个人。
眼泪好像已不受控自，
好多次眼泪都突然的落下，
悲伤好像永无止境，
永远都不会停止。

爱得越深，伤得越深。
我现在最需要的人却是伤我最深的人。
我的心真的好痛，好痛。
眼泪一滴一滴的落下，
心仿拂被千百万把刀刺进，
流血不止。
看着时间一分一秒的过去，
我已离过去越来越远，
正在步向未来，
但是我的未来越来越膜糊，
未来的路我到底该如何走？
没有了他，我真的能继续走下去吗？

一直以来，
我都盘旋在一个重未开始过的关系，
一段不知道哪里是起点，
哪里是终点的爱情。
悲伤和眼泪一直不停在我身边徘徊。

真的好想成为他心目中的唯一，
成为他永远都不会放开的那个，
听他真心的对我说一句
“ 我爱你 ”
真的会有那麽一天吗？
我们还有可能在一起吗？
这个梦离我越来越遥远。

在我们之间到底是谁找到了谁，
谁伤害了谁，
又是谁欠了谁？
我们之间有好多东西都说不清楚，
我们比此的心里一直都有很多话好想告诉对方，
可是却一直没有和不知道如何说出口。

如果再让我选一次，
我还会选者再爱你一次，
但这次我一定会好好的珍惜你。。

林祥合，
你要我离开，
要我放弃，
不管我做不做得到，
我都不会再来烦你，
过了明天我会从此消失在你的生命中，
永永远远的消失。
请你要好好照顾自己，
开开心心的过每一天，
还有和你现在新的女朋友长长久久的在一起，
我真心的祝福你。
最后，
请你要记住不管什麽时候，
发生什麽事，
我都会一直在你身边只持你，
不开心还是闷的时候，
还是可以打给我。

永远爱你！
darliing always.

iin moii heart,
euu will moii one n onlii darliing.
no1 can ever replace ur place iin moii heart dde.
take care.
bye!

That's When I Y0u

4:47 PM

ii had been cryiing fer the whole niite till moii siickness gonex worst. ii break down and criied verii badly, ii called hiim, ii msg hiim. but one more blow cumiing to miie wen he called miie, once ii ans ii heard a giirl voiice askkiing hiim who he calliing dden he told miie next tiime dubb niid to call hiim agaiin. and he hanged upp. ii criied even more badly, ii realii gonex crazy n break down more worst. haiis. ii criied all the way frm two plus till morniing 7 plus dden can fiinally get to slp but jus slp fer a few hours and ii wake upp lerrs. haiis. 3 plus he called miie three tiimes but ii diidnt ans, ii dunno wat to saiid to hiim and ii dubb even wanted to let hiim heard tat ii cryiing soo badly. tiis iishx the fiirst tiime tat ii diidnt ans hiis call.
moii heart was soo paiin. totally broken. bleediing non stop. ii dunno wat to saiid or wat to do. tml will bbe miie n hiim dde last day at our's workiing place, ii promiise ah kiiat to go down earliier to c both of them. ii askk kiiat to tell hiim not to leave soo early, waiit fer miie to cum down n thiink tiis will bbe the last tiime fer both of us to c each other. after tml, ii promiise ii wun bother hiim aniimore, no matter wat happen, even wen iim cryiing badly agaiin. ii will forever diisappear iin hiis liife. nv bother hiim agaiin.
has. cryiing agaiin whiile typiing tiis post. dunno wat iim doiin. haiis. ii dunno tml wen ii saw hiim wat ii can saiid to hiim or how ii should react. ii was soo afraiid moii tears will drop iinfront of hiim. how to face hiim tml? how to act happii iinfront of hiim? ii realii dunno. ii jus dubb wan hiim to c moii sadness n unhappiiness.
ii feel soo sorrii to alot of ppl recently, fiirst, was alviin, coz hiis gf was here cryiing soo badly over other guy, n moii heart iishx still all hiim. he iishx realii verii understandiing wen ii tell hiim all abt hiis thiing, he diidnt get angry, but the more understandiing he iishx he more ii feel bad. miie n hiim got tog liike nv. haiis.
secondly, iishx yong weii n jj. all along they been waiiting fer miie to forget hiim. silently treatiing miie soo gud but end upp ii had been telliing them ii tog wiith alviin n ii still cant forget hiim and all along ii treatiing as best frenz. haiis. sorrii to the three of euu.
take care everyone. ii niid a rest.

That's When I Y0u

2:45 PM

fiinally break miie n alviin tog dde news to hiim lerrs. although the outcum iishx expected. but ii still feel sad. haiis.
he the one askkiing to giive upp on hiim, askk miie fiind a beta even tog he oso wun bbe a gud bf, sayiing manii n manii hurtiing words, the oso the one tat heck care miie.
but end upp now he the one telliing miie at fiirst thiink of beiing tog wiith miie but now iishx totally iimpossiible lerrs coz ii tog wiith alviin, even iif we break oso wun lerrs. now 0% to bbe tog. he even tell miie all along he dubb wanna get a new gf coz he scare ii get hurt or wat.
why? ii waiitted fer soo manii month jus fer all tiis words, but everytiime iishx all diisappoiintment. onlii until ii stepped iinto a new relatiionshiip dden he tell miie all tiis?
why all along he kept tend to hiide hiis feeliing, kept act as he dubb care, act as he dubb love, act as gamble iishx iimportant dden miie?
ii hanged fer soo long, ii jus waiit fer all tiis words frm hiim, waiit fer one day he could tell miie actually he realii care fer miie, still love miie n gamble iishx not imp dden miie.

been thru soo long, soo manii sadness, fiinally wat ii waiitted soo long cum true but iit's all too late.
ii realii dunno how to saiid moii feeliing now, one blow bby one blow, ii realii cant take iit lerrs. ii realii verii xiinku lerrs. agaiin n agaiin liike iim cuttiing off the chance between us.
tiis tiime he realii will nv cum back lerrs. ii tot ii can stop moii tears, dubb cry but now iim here shedding tears soo badly. one drop bby one drop droppiing non stop. been try not thiink soo much fer the whole day but ii cant. ii realii break down n cry liike hell.

had been telliing alviin abt all tiis, he told miie iif iishx tiime to go back to hiim dden go back. but go back? should ii saiid iishx too late or too early or iimpossiible now?
he tiis tiime realii let moii hand off totally lerrs. no matter how much ii wiish to hold back ii oso cant lerrs. he wun ever turn back lerrs.
ii told hiim he will bbe moii darliing always no matter wat happen. forever ii onlii got one darliing and tat hiim. and hope we will still stay as darliing n best frenz.
but iishx tat jus all ii wan? no. ii dubb wan jus bbe darliing n best frenz. haiis.

wan miie to giive upp on euu totally? how am ii goiin to make iit? ii dunno, ii realii dunno. been thru soo manii tears, soo manii tears and soo manii thiing, the love fer euu alreadii craved soo deeply iin moii heart. all meanwhile ii been keep hangiing on, dubb let moiiself break down, jus to waiit fer euu to tell miie wat euu had told miie ytd n waiit fer euu to turn back. but ii turned away iin the end, coz iin tiis one week plus, iim feel verii weak lerrs, been hurt throughtly bby ur every words, the hurt make miie break down totally, hope to hang on soo much but the hurt make miie fall too seriiously tiil ii cant even stand upp agaiin. ii soo tiired, soo weak to guess wat euu wan, wat euu thiinkiing. and real diisappoiinted wen tat day iim cryiing soo badly, ii called euu, but euu told miie ii gambliing now, dubb diisturb miie n jus hang upp. make miie tot tat gamble iishx iimp to euu dden miie. onlii until ahkiiat told miie tat, actually tat day euu diidnt gamble at all. why must euu bluff miie?
tiis few day ii tot ii realii can jus miss alviin, wun continue silly waiit fer ur call n msg, even euu call ii oso wun liike last tiime soo happii but end upp wen euu call, ya. iim iin a mess but ii feel real happii, still kept talkiing abt euu, still kept mentiioniing ur name.
onlii untill now tat ii was cryiing sooo soo sooo badly dden ii realiise all along moii love fer euu had nv get less before. and iit's get even more. all along ii jus bluffiing moiiself. ii still love euu, ii still cant forget euu. sorrii. ii realii fail to forget euu.

That's When I Y0u

1:38 AM

Thursday, June 28, 2007

haiis. now moii heart iiishx a mess siia. dunno wat to do lerrs. wen the tiime ii still around hiim dden he liike heck care miie n dunno how to treasure miie but onlii wen ii deciided to leave lerrs. dden he cum contact miie back. aiiyo. headaches arx. realii dunno wat he wan siia? the one askkiing miie to giive upp on hiim, and dubb contact hiim dde oso hiim. wat oso he saiid dde lorrs. crazy siia.
but forget iit bba, walk one step c one step bba. iif ii could realii love alviin liike how ii love hiim now dden perhaps iit's was a gud thiing bba. left one more month to go onlii. dunno wat will happen after tiis one month tiimes. jus let fate deciide fer miie n both of them bba.
today went down to bedok meet alviin, he was soo cute lorrs. hahas. lame oso. but quiite happii today larrs. hahas. fiinally break the news to yong weii lerrs. wander how he will react wen he wake upp tml and saw tat msg ii sent to hiim. but aniiway he got the riight to know dde, even keep frm hiim, one day he will oso fiind out dde. soo jus tell hiim bba.
iim siick even worst siia. tml wanna go c doctor lerrs. dubb wanna work fer tml. hahas. k larrs. dunno wat to wriite lerrs. stop here bba.

That's When I Y0u

3:32 AM

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

today wen ii reach workplace wat ii heard frm ahkiiat, moii heart realii diied lerrs. he quiit iinternet dde job lerrs, but he dubb even have a last word fer miie. dubb even bother to msg miie telliing miie tiis, iif ahkiiat nv tell miie ii thiink ii will know. haiis. iim realii tired, realii break down lerrs.
haiis. iim realii soo weak now, heart alreadii broken iinto piieces, realii hurts soo badly. now still siick. haiis. maybb iim overtiired plus too sad lerrs. tat y becum soo weak n fall siick bba.
haiis. over lerrs, everythiing iishx over lerrs. haiis. tryiing to start a new liife wiithout him but wanderiing can ii make iit or not? but until now every miin n sec moii miind iishx still hiim. ii realii miiss hiim liike hell.
jus wen ii tot ii could forget hiim n put moii heart onto alviin but miie n alviin totally iimpossiible dde lorrs. he beiing wanted plus he goiin to go surrender after hiis biirthday n iit's jus next month dde 30 siia.
love who oso wrong, ii everytiime will liike those liike ii shouldnt love dde lorrs. dunno wat to do. ii realii wan crazy liiao siia. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

1:26 AM

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

ytd at fiirst moii mood iishx verii bad, ii get to lose moii temper verii easiily to aniione, onlii wen ii get to lollipop n saw alviin n joke wiith hiim moii mood get beta. but 1 miin after he leave ii criied verii badly coz of the msg frm hiim. at fiirst ii saw hiim msg miie ii realii verii happii coz he fiinally contact miie lerrs. but ii was cryiing verii badly whiile ii readiin the msg.
after moii cry ii went iin to lollipop ii stopped moii tears, but still kept felt liike cryiing, and viivii, iirene n agsen all cum askk miie wat happen. they all tell miie not worth to cry fer hiim. but ii jus cant stop moiiself frm cryiing. moii tears jus kept droppiing down uncontrolled.
wen ii at the cab back to panjang ii am still cryiing till ii reach panjang, ii stopped a whiile wen ii was eatiing but totally got no appetite to eat at all. dden all meanwhile ii sat there n keep quiet dden kept felt liike dropping tears.
dden till ii realii buey tahan ii saiid ii wanna go off fiirst n whiile iim waiitiing fer the cab n ii realii controll moii tears till verii xiinku. ii jus dubb wanna let moiiself criied n at tat moment he reply moii msg dden ii realii break down n ii burst out to tears n ii askk yiing they all cum over to look fer miie, wen they saw miie ii jus kept cryiing n cryiing non stop, no matter wat they askk or saiid ii jus dubb wiish to ans them and keep quiet. wat ii onlii know was cry n cry non stop.
but thank fer moii two siista, yiing n xiin fer cheeriing miie upp and ii fiinally smile. but wen ii waiiting fer cab ii criied agaiin. haiis. ii dunno how manii hours ii had been cryiing ytd. haiis.
realii hurts verii verii badly.
everytiime yiing, tiing n xiin saiid ii was the one tat most xiinfu out of the the three stupid women, miie, tiing n xiin. n they will the one tat suffer most. but actually iim the one tat suffer most. coz compare the tiime tat ii know hiim n the tiime both of them get to know theiir hiim. iim much more longer. ii been thru more thiing wiith hiim, much more upp n down wiith hiim. been have more memoriies wiith n contact most wiith hiim and wen thiing happen ii thiink back more happiiness thiing n unhappiiness, ii got more memoriies dden them and iim the one tat hurts the most n criied the most. so long lerrs, how manii tiime, how manii tears ii had been shedded fer hiim? now wen ii passby alot place ii oso will thiink of the happii moment wiith hiim, heard aii haii tao tao oso thiink of hiim, saw the riing n liighter oso thiink of hiim. haiis.
now no matter continue love hiim or go put moii heart iin n love alviin oso wrong. continue to love hiim but confirm no endiing and the hurts confirm get more dde. go put moii heart iin n love alviin oso wrong coz he was now beiing wanted, kana search warrant, red listed. iif beiing caught will get max charge soo how long can we last? haiis.
wat to do? but iin moii heart ii still love hiim damn lots, realii cant giive hiim upp n put hiim down. will he bbe cumiing back? haiis
ytd the every msg n the every word he saiid realii hurt miie alot n hiis every word jus liike a thousand swords stabbed iinto the deepest part of moii heart. haiis.
the ddeepest ii love hiim, the deepest the hurts was.

please dubb leave miie alone here. ii niid euu, ii love euu.

That's When I Y0u

7:05 AM

Sunday, June 24, 2007

iit's alreadii 9.20 iin the morniing, ii still cant get to bed yet. moii mood iishx soo down, ii feel soo miiserable. diidnt wan to go to bed coz ii was afraiid to miiss hiis call or sms. but fer the whole niite tat iim waiiting moii fone diidnt even rang at all. was still wanderiing iishx moii hp spoilt alreadii or ii swiitched to siilent mode but nv lehhs. today iishx cumiing to the 3rd day we diidnt contact each other lerrs. ii dunno wat iishx happeniing to miie now, dunno wat am ii doiin n thiinkiing now. been haviing a verii strong feeliing tat tiis tiime round we will realii stop contact forever. he realii gotta let moii hang off n step out of moii liife completely. perhaps, euu all will bbe sayiing tat iim thiinkiing too much, but tiis was wat tat properly will happen. the percentage of tiis endiing dden all other outcum iishx alot more hiigher.
ii had alreadii forgotten iit's been how manii day we diidnt get to c each other lerrs. wat iishx happeniing? all meanwhile we been fine, we diidnt quarrel or wat arx, but why suddenly thiing changes soo much? out of one niite, he changes to day to darkness, he changes moii heaven to hell.
iim soo confused iin tiis whole matter, haven even make aniithiing clear n yet he iishx driiftiing away frm miie.
iim soo lost now, ii dunno wat can ii do. ii hate moiiself fer sheddiing tears day n niite. ii hate moiiself been always sheddiing tears while iim siittiing riight iinfront of the com,updatiing moii blog. ii hate moiiself fer beiing soo silly, all meanwhile actually that soo much thiing there to prove tat he had a new gf or wat lerrs, but everytiime, no matter wat he explaiin, ii jus choose to believe agaiin n agaiin. kept fiindiing excuse to make moiiself believe wat he had saiid. bluff moiiself agaiin n agaiin. kept giiviing moiiself hope wen miie moiiself know iit verii clearly, there wun bbe anii turniing back lerrs.

eventually, iim afraiid tat ii would fall iin love wiith sumone recently. he had been treatiing miie quiite gud n was tat kiind of guy ii liike. ii tot tat iif ii triied not to thiink or talk abt hiim n try to thiink n talk abt tat sumone, ii would soon forget hiim. but actually, ii cant controll moii miind to who ii will thiink of n misses. iim still here cryiing soo badly over hiim, still here waiiting silly fer hiis call or sms all bby moii own.
iim feeliing soo tiired of guessiing wat he wan n thiinkiing,
iim feeliing soo weak to continue faciing all these problem,
iim feeliing soo confused coz moii heart iishx still wiith hiim.

That's When I Y0u

9:21 AM

tiis was a viideo tat ii create iit a few day ago wen all those unhappiiness thiing haven happen yet. and iit's due to iim too boriing tat day. iit's abt miie n hiim.

jus now went to view alviin profile and found tiis few foto wiith word tat are soo meaniingful and below are the translatiion fer those ppls tat cant read chiinese well.

" every guy dubb take ur giirl fer granted, becoz of euu, she giive upp the whole heaven wen ur loved one go to the end of her's liife, hold her last drop of tears tiight and both of euu will still bbe tog iin ur's next liife "

" iif one day euu walk iinto moii heart, euu will cry fer sure coz iit full of ur everythiing iinsiide. iif one day ii walk iinto ur heart ii will oso cry fer sure coz ii cant even moii shadow iinsiide " tiis iishx wat ii thiink iit's will happen to miie n hiim but the onlii thiing tat diifferent was iim not sure wander will he cry or not iif one day he realii walk iinto moii heart.

" wen euu are iin love, euu must know how to treasure. wen iishx tiime to let go of ur hand, euu must know how to let go " tiis was the thiing ii fail to do so. wen iim iin love, ii dunno how to treasure, wen iishx tiime to let go, ii dunno how to let go. ii almost cry wen ii saw tiis jus now, iit was wat ii know verii clearly but ii diidnt do so.

" ii was verii regret tat tiime ii diidnt have the courage to tell euu tat iin moii heart euu're moii onlii blessiing iin tiime " ii diid told hiim but iit's all too late.

That's When I Y0u

2:11 AM

Friday, June 22, 2007

quiite a few day ii diidnt update moii blog liiao. haiis. iin tiis few day soo much thiing happen, iim soo down, soo unhappii recently, had realii break down completely liiao.
21 of june morniing, as usual meet yiing after work frm lollipop. tat day he knock off frm work verii early, he called miie at around 6 and we talk fer awhile, dden he reach home lerrs, he oso got use hiis house fone to call miie. & we still talk verii happiily, still saiid wanna share go buy 4d. buy 3 num tat related to both of us. 8990, 0811 & 2117. our's year, month & day of biirth. after the talk wiith hiim.
miie n yiing was talkiing all along, suddenly, ii kept verii quiiet n was thiinkiing abt sumthiing, ii dunno why suddenly, tiis kiinda of thiing cum to miind. and ii told yiing, although ii been always sayiing tat ii rather he would told miie honestly wen he fiind hiimself a new gf or he patched wiith anii of hiis ex, but iif one day, he realii do soo, ii dunno how iim goiin to face all tiis fact and wat ii should do, wat ii should saiid n how ii will becum.
dden go had a talk wiith yiixiin n iit's been a long tiime tat the 7 siista gather tog. quiite treasure all tat moment larrs. coz now iit's was gettiing more n more hard to have the 7 of us gatheriing tog lerrs.
dden before ii went to lollipop n work tat tiime, moii mood iishx still verii gud, coz haviing a happii tiimes msg-ing and talkiing on fone wiith hiim. and he still askk miie to go over n look fer hiim after work.
tat niite, ii workiing at lollipop n ii alreadii get rather hiigh verii early lerrs. coz the every cup of driink agsen pour fer miie was rather thiick, and iishx all bottom upp.
and wen iim rather hiigh, ii criied verii badly, ii called yiing n ii criied badly wiithout telliing her wat happen. ii dunno why suddenly ii criied as moii mood iishx still soo gud iin the fiirst place. perhaps, tiis iishx coz of all the hurts n paiin frm wat happen recently tat ii haf hiide n kept iin the deepest part of moii heart fer soo long bba. onlii wen iim rather hiigh, ii cant bluff moiiself aniimore, ii cant fiind anii excuse to covered upp all the sadness. moii heart get even more soble n briing miie to face the fact and c everythiing clearly.
ii dunno why ii suddenly felt liike calliing hiim whiile iim talkiing and cryiing to yiing, and ii called hiim. the fiirst word he saiid wen he piick upp the fone was why am ii cryiing? ii deny, coz ii diidnt wan to let hiim know tat iim cryiing. and ii triied soo hard to act liike iim not cryiing, but iindeed moii tears was droppiing non stop.
dden ii called yiing back and ii criied even more badly, fiinally ii stopped moii tears and ii went back to work and once ii stepped iin the song ii heard was aii haii tao tao. and ii started to cry agaiin. haiis.
sumtiime ii hope ii could driink till iim rather hiigh coz onlii wen iim hiigh dden ii could realii criied all out completely, dubb niid to kept all tiis soo hard iin moii heart.
after work, ii called hiim askiing hiim he wan miie to go down n look fer hiim mahhs. he saiid dubb niid. and dunno why moii tears dropped agaiin n ii was liike breakiing down n ii dubb even know wat iim sayiing. haiis.
dden went back to panjang n meet yiing, she told miie he not worth fer miie to cry fer hiim, ii should forget hiim. all tiis same old word tat ii been heardiing iit fer plenty of tiimes n oso wat ii had been sayiing fer plenty of tiimes. but sayiing was easy but doiin iit was hard, ii oso hope ii wun ever drop a tears frm hiim, ii oso hope ii could forget hiim but iit's jus soo hard. haiis.
went home and talk to xiin fer a while on fone, talkiing abt miie n hiim dde thiing, and ii was cryiing whiile talkiing wiith her. haiis.
dden fiinally can get moiiself to slp, and dden he msg miie on the 22 of june morniing, hiis msg totally make miie break down completely.
he saiid askk miie dubb contact hiim fer tiis few day coz he not iin a gud mood n askk miie dubb askk why. and ii replies ii not gotta askk why or to call hiim or msg hiim. dden he replies 4get iit, fuck, forever dubb contact larrs, go forget hiim n find other.
moii tears jus scrolled down automatiiclly. moii heart was soo paiin wen ii saw hiim sayiing tiis. dden ii repliies wat larrs, he now wan quarrel iishx iit? iishx he the one tat suddenly msg miie n tell miie all tiis still askk miie dubb askk why dden wat expect miie to do? keep askiing why or keep calliing n msg hiim?
he diidnt reply.
and ii msg hiim one more msg,
haiis, wan contact or dubb wan upp to euu larrs, euu happii euu everytiime cum saiid ii nv call or msg euu, not happii dden cum ask miie dubb contact euu. ii realii dunno wat euu wan n thiinkiing now,ii realii verii tiired of guessiing wat euu wan n thiinkiing. ii realii dunno continue liike tat ii can hang on how long. ytd miie alreadii gonex crazy once kept cryiing n cryiing fer the whole niite, jus wen moii mood get a biit beta euu cum say tiis ii realii dunno wat to do liiao. the most half to one more month tiime ii will bbe leaviing geylang lerrs. thiink of treasuriing the tiime wiith euu all recently. but now euu wan liike tiis, wat euu realii wan siia? ii dubb wan guess liiao.
dden he repliies,
aiiya, jus dubb contact fer one week larrs. fuckiing no mood, jus lose 1200. who oso dubb wan contact.
dden ii repliies haiis. upp to euu.
and after tat wen ii went to work, iim soo fuckiing bad mood, c who oso not happii, no matter do wat oso pek chye.
even wen workiing at lollipop ii oso no mood to work, no mood to driink oso, jus kept siittiing at moii regular customer table. but diidnt talk much wiith them ytd oso. dubb even have the mood to joke wiith iirene they all liike how ii used to bbe. kept takiing out moii fone to c iishx ther anii miiss call or msg frm hiim. but everytiime iishx oso diisappoiinted.
after work realii feel liike goiin back home soo much, but iirene they all kept pulling miie to orchard tower top 5 to club. and all the way until morniing but all along still kept waiitiing fer hiis msg but fer the whole niite, not even one msg n call frm hiim at all. haiis.
dden after club went over to pek kiio market to eat, went over to the place tat ii dubb hope to go soo much, dden after supper still send iirene them back bby cab dden went over to hiis house downstaiir. haiis. all the memoriies there cum to moii miind realii feel liike cryiing soo much, dden kept fiindiing thiing fer miie to do to help miie forget everythiing, go call yiing, talk to yiing and fiinally hold moii tears back. haiis.
wen ii reach home, ii talk to yiing abt hiis matter, dden ii msg hiim,
ii alreadii know euu lose alot till euu even pawn ur gold chaiin lerrs. pls liisten to our's adviise stop gambliing liiao. owe soo much money lerrs, stop addiing on to ur debt. work hard now to return slowly, all along ii askk euu to promiise miie not to gamble iishx coz ii know euu gamble wun know ur liimiit and stop dde. even let everyone saiid ii selfiish ii oso iinsist to do so coz ii realii dubb wan to c the thiing happen now to happen but ii regret as ii make our relationshiip so worst. and euu back to the old euu. and the thiing ii dubb wish to c happened. euu know miie n kiiat iishx realii damn worry abt euu and at the same tiime we are damn diisappoiinted coz iin the past no matter wat we saiid euu jus dubb seem to liisten. wat euu do n saiid euu had nv thiink of moii feeliing. euu dunno how worry ii am lorrs. no matter weii lerrs miie or ur own gud pls dubb gamble liiao. after tiis msg ii wun contact euu lerrs. waiit euu feel liike contactiing miie dden euu call or msg miie bba. as fer tiis msg euu wan reply or not upp to euu. no matter euu wan reply or not jus hope euu go thiink properly. take care.
end upp he oso nv reply. but iit's all expected larrs.
dden after tat ii go check friiendster dden ii go viiew hiis friiendster, the comment ii wrote to hiim no longer there liiao. haiis. agaiin beiing deleted. but iit's oso expected larrs n iim numb wiith iit lerrs coz iit's not the fiirst tiime lerrs.

today until now still nv receiive anii call or sms frm hiim, ii can bluff everyone, can smile iinfront of everyone. but ii cant bluff moiiself, two day nv contact wiith hiim ii realii not used to iit, iit's liike sumthiing iishx missiing and ii realii miiss hiim damn lots. ii cant take iit aniimore, before although our's relatiionshiip iishx not tat gud but at lease he still bother to call miie, to sms miie. but now ii totally cant take iit lerrs. iim completely break down.
wander will he oso felt not used to iit iin tiis two day tiime? hahas. iim jus dreamiing. thiinkiing tiis iishx totally iimpossiible. haiis.

thiink iit's gud fer miie to fall fer other n 4get hiim bba. but will iit's realii bbe tat easy. can a guy realii do soo much thiing tat he used to do to touches moii heart?
to miie, until now ii still thiink tat no1 can even bbe as gud as hiim, do soo much n giive iin soo much to a unreasonable giirl liike how he diid iin the past. haiis.

are euu realii goiin to let moii hand off completely tiis tiime round?
are euu realii wan miie to forget euu n fiind other?

ii had completely break down,
coz euu seem liike realii leaviing tiis tiime round
&
ever siince the moment euu seem liike leaviing,
moii strengh fer miie to hang on gonex oso..
coz euu are moii onlii strengh to hang on.

will euu bbe back agaiin?
or
euu gotta leave miie alone here?

That's When I Y0u

5:45 AM

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

ever siince ii saw the baobeii laopo thiing frm hiis hp, been always liike almost quarrel wiith hiim fer the followiing two day. haiis. dden iit's was liike almost gettiing crazy. but 1 niite he called miie dden talk fer quiite long lorrs. dden chat happiily. onlii one words tat spoilt moii mood, he saiid last tiime iishx he love miie soo much n ii dubb realii love hiim so he ren miie, but now iishx ii love hiim alot dden he dubb realii love miie soo moii turn to ren hiim. wen ii heard tiis, ii almost cry out. but after tat still continue chatted happiily.
tat tiime iishx he love miie soo much n waiitiing fer miie, now iishx moii turn to love hiim soo much n waiit fer hiim. dunno tiis kiind of thiing must continue till wen? iit's jus seem liike no endiing lorrs.
thiinkiing of let go, as everythiing should have iit's end n there must bbe sumone to bbe the fiirst one to add a full stop to iit dde. continue iin tiis case will nv have a endiing dde, yet the hurt onlii will jus go endlessly. should set hiim free bba.
but next day wen he wake upp he called miie, ii totally forget tat ii wanna let go, moii heart followiing hiim bliindly agaiin. dden ii even much more diifferent frm the past, now dunno why ii wake upp, go work, knock off frm work, reach home n wanna go slp ii will liike automatiic piick upp moii fone and msg hiim. althought everytiime he nv reply at all, but ii still continue to do so. haiis. wat iim doiin siia?
ytd, wen ii reach work place he was still there, and wen iim leaviing to lollipop to work, ii askk hiim peii miie go waiit fer cab dden we at hp shop talk awhile, dden as usual askk miie to kiss hiim lorrs. kiss lerrs. dden end upp he go behiide the hp shop n he kissed miie on moii mouth. ii was soo shocked, iit's been a verii verii long tiime he diidnt do soo lerrs.
moii heart melted fer hiis kiss, he kissed moii tears, moii sadness n unhappiiness away. hiis kiss make the iidea of giiviing hiim upp faded away iinto more n more unstable. gettiing more n more blur of wat should ii do.
haiis.

That's When I Y0u

8:44 PM

Sunday, June 17, 2007

agaiin waken upp bby hiim, but at fiirst ii could slp back dde. but ii was too angry over hiim. msg miie sayiing tat ii tiis two day dunno how to call or sms hiim hors, change liiao lorrs.
dden ii call hiim lorrs. dden hiis attitude cum, forget iit. aniiway used to iit lerrs. but dden verii fast he jus straiight hang moii call. wtf. thiis two day no matter ii call hiim or he call hiim oso liike tat, keep attitude dden hang moii call. dden ii still call fer wat larrs. call fer hiim to hang or call to tiio hiis attitude? ii miight as well dubb call. plus today morniing ii called hiim lorrs. iishx he nv ans lorrs after tat oso dunno how to call back lorrs. dden siince liike tat dubb call liiao lorrs. waiit he call lorrs. msg hiim oso dubb wan reply liiao. dden ii msg fer wat? waste moii msg?
call oso wrong, nv call oso wrong. iif he wan liike tat ii call liiao giive miie attitude, hang moii call, sms hiim dubb wan reply dden dubb cum kp miie sayiing ii nv call or sms hiim lorrs. miight as well stop contact dden, aniiwae, verii fast he oso cant get to c each other liiao mahhs. haiis. iim goiin crazy larrs.
liike all moii fault siia. do wat oso wrong.
siick got ppl concern anot? headaches, cough, keep feeliing diizzy got ppl care anot? onlii know how to hang moii call, giive miie attitude n saiid ii nv call hiim larrs.
sad, heartaches, cry. got ppl care mahhs? oso same no1 care or even bother lorrs. haiis.
ii realii cant take iit fer long lerrs. why must make moii tears shedded agaiin? ii dubb wan to cry but ii realii iin a great paiin now, ii realii buey tahan liiao. ii goiin crazy lerrs. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

2:59 AM

Saturday, June 16, 2007

no1 will understand the feeliing of keepiing all ur's tear iin ur's eye, and kept tryiing verii hard to hold the tears frm droppiing.

am ii too overboard?
ii shouldn't bbe angry,
he had alreadii explaiin liiao mahhs.
even they haven break oso not upp to miie to care arx,
who am ii to hiim now siia?
liike tat jus make moiiself feel tat,
iim kiinda unreasonable lorrs.
and iit's eluff lerrs larrs.
angry whole day,
nv wanted call or sms hiim fer the whole day lerrs.
forget iit lerrs larrs.

anger had gonex
but sadness still stay
&
happiiness gonex wiith anger too.

sumone once askked miie tiis questiion,
why wen a giirl loviing euu deeply, no matter wat euu had done wrong, she can jus act as she dunno, even wen she know loviing euu iishx a fault but she will still iinsiisted to continue love euu, still choose to continue the wrong.
how stupiid?
but actually wat tat giirl hope iishx jus one day tat guy could realiise there's still her standiing bby hiis siide waiitiing n loviing hiim no matter wat iishx happeniing, realiise how much she love hiim and hope one day the guy could change all the wrong to the riight.

thiink tiing n miie iishx goiin thru all tiis bba.
called miie jus now,
telliing miie abt she n pb
telliing her abt miie n hiim.
both of us jus felt tat we are kiinda stupiid,
wen we know loviing them iishx a fault,
but we still to continue the wrong,
continue to love.
keep tryiing n tryiing to let them realiise there's still us standiing behiide them
to waiit n love.
dunno how long could we hang on,
dunno how manii tiime we could try,
dunno how manii tiime we could hang on frm failure.
dunno how long we can bear wiith the sadness, diisappoiintment n tears.
but jus know we will keep tryiing till the day we break down frm all tiis.

hope to forget euu iishx jus soo hard,
hope to hear euu sayiing tat euu love miie iishx jus soo hard,
jus siimply saiid,
love or not.
the paiin of miisses iishx messiing miie upp iin moii heart.
the wiish ii prayed everyday,
jus wun ever have a ans.
the onlii ans ii can found was. . . .
iit's jus simply soo hard to love a person!!

爱一个人好难。

That's When I Y0u

5:52 AM

Friday, June 15, 2007

today ii soo tiired, after soo manii day of work at lollipop, everyday was sleepiing at morniing. plus today morniing yiing n ah toot quarrel dden talk to them till ii 11 plus liike tat dden slp lorrs. dden 4 o clock kana waken upp bby hiim, coz he goiin down to fiind ah kiiat to repaiir hiis fone. dden askk miie go down lorrs. soo tiired, totally not eluff slp lorrs.
dden end upp hiis fone must send down to lor 10 to repaiir dden ii 7 plus close moii shop dden help hiim briing down. ii know perhaps ii can found all the ans fer moii questiion recently frm hiis fone. but ii diidnt do so, coz iim afraiid the ans will end upp to bbe the one tat ii dubb wan.
but why must fate push miie toward the ans? coz hiis fone jollstick spoilt dden whiile checkiing hiis fone dden dunno why run to msg iinbox and ii was siittiing besiide tat person, wat ii saw was the fiirst msg sender name under baobei laopo. at tat moment, moii tears almost dropped down, moii eyes iishx jus soo watery. ii rather ii nv help hiim send hiis fone to repaiir or ii nv siit besiide tat person.
jus wen ii almost to criied, he called. dden he askk miie at where all tiis dden askk miie tell the person tml dden collect the fone back, the way he talk seem to bbe verii worry. ii know iishx coz of the msg. dden before he hang he askk miie muackks muackks hiim, ii dubb wan. dden end upp oso got larrs. haiis.
walk out frm the shop at fiirst thiink of takiing cab dde but jus niice the bus goiin lollipop dde arriived. dden get upp the bus lorrs. at bus ii oso almost criied dden suddenly thiink of tat before tat talk on fone dden ii busy he hang dden ii call hiim back. dden onlii wen ii talkiing to hiim dden suddenly rem the bus got reach bugiis biig biird. dden after tat get down to look fer hiim. dden he dunno tell yiing wat larrs. the tiimes wiith hiim ii realii cant smile at all. all the smile iishx soo fake lorrs. haiis. after tat he peii miie wait fer bus wen ii get on the bus lerrs. ii call yiing. dden talk to her till ii almost criied, kept thiinkiing of tat matter. dden ii askk yiing wat he tell her. dden she saiid realii nothiing larrs. dubb thiink soo much. dden ah toot tell miie to giive hiim more tiimes. dden ii told ah toot, now he got alot of tiime. he wan how manii tiimes ii oso wun care larrs. none of moii busiiness. they all liike blank blank dunno wat iim talkiing abt lorrs. dden yiing got askk mahhs ii got on hiis fone c got new song a not. dden verii weiird she suddenly will askk lorrs. ii started to suspect he got go askk yiing ii got go c hiis fone not lorrs.
dden wen ii reach lollipop ii msg hiim, why he soo scare ii c hiis fone. dden hiis ans prove all moii guessiing riite. haiis.
dunno wat to saiid larrs. iim gettiing verii headaches now, liike goiin blurst liiao. go slp fiirst. haiis.

That's When I Y0u

6:21 AM

Thursday, June 14, 2007

tiired... let hiim wake miie upp lerrs end upp morniing 9 plus dden slp back. ytd talkiing on the fone wiith hiim fer verii long lorrs. we hang upp wen he wanna go do other thiing but after fiinish hiis thiing he will call or sms miie to askk miie call hiim. iit's all liike iin the past lorrs.
dden today eveniing he wake upp lerrs oso got call miie, call miie two tiimes but ii sleepiing dden nv talk verii long, wen ii wake upp ii got call hiim talk a whiile dden he saiid lata call miie back dden after tat we msg awhiile dden he askk miie to call hiim dden we talk awhile more. dden ii saiid lata dden call hiim back dden ii go bath. after fiinish moii stuff dden ii call hiim dden he saiid he go eat fiirst lata call miie back dden wen ii at plaza he msg miie askk miie call hiim. dden we talk awhile. dden he off work he oso got call miie. dden ii askk hiim faster go slp iif lata ii got go hiis house there ii wake hiim upp, askk hiim dubb put silent dden he saiid c how larrs. he oso dunno goiin home a not dden ii askk hiim why lehhs? wan go where, meet whiich giirl dden he saiid dunno. dden ii saiid go larrs, go larrs, go meet ur's giirl larrs. dden he saiid no larrs. meet euu onlii larrs k? hahax. happii.
dden after we hang upp lerrs ii msg hiim saiid :
dar arx, iif can, go home slp early, dubb aniihow run lerrs. euu verii tiired lerrs. take care of urself larrs. iif euu go home wan slp lerrs msg miie dden miie wun call or sms euu lerrs, let euu slp. hehex.

dden wen he reach home he used hiis house fone call miie dden forget wat he saiid dden he saiid, ii askk hiim reach home call miie mahhs, dden ii saiid ii askk hiim msg lorrs not call. hiis eng fail arx? dden he saiid he tot ii msg wrong person tat y call n confirm dden ii saiid pls lehhs ii iinfront got put dar lehhs. sure not call wrong person dde mahhs dden he saiid iishx coz of the dar dden he tot ii msg wrong person dden ii saiid why lehhs? cannot call hiim dar arx? ya la ya la onlii other giirl can call hiim dar, ii cannot larrs. dden he saiid he oso nv saiid arx. jus coz ii verii long nv call hiim dar liiao mahhs. tat why lorrs. hahax. dotx lehhs hiim.

dden after work go back panjang meet yiing they all, keep thiinkiing of hiim lorrs. keep feel liike msg hiim but promiise wun wake hiim upp lerrs. will let hiim slp dden nv lorrs. realii miiz hiim alot alot lorrs. dunno why. nv try miissiing hiim soo badly before. kept thiinkiing of hiim. kept talkiing abt hiim. kept xiangho here n there. dden moii mood verii gud lorrs. kept smiliing to moiiself liike crazy.
hahax. ii realii verii verii verii crazy over hiim lorrs. love hiim more n more siia. hehex.

That's When I Y0u

5:41 AM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

waited soo long, fiinally he call miie today at eveniing tiime lerrs. the first ii liisten the fone iishx scold hiim lorrs. ii dunno why will liike tat. jus feel verii angry, verii worry and fiinally fang xiin lerrs.
dden get to c hiim today, soo happii lorrs. at hp shop he make miie ps siia. askk miie muackks muackks hiim, lucky ah kiiat they all nv c siia. hahax. dden still askk miie hiis haiirstyle now niice anot coz he thiink of goiin to cut dden ii saiid ok arx. not bad. dden he saiid dden he dubb go cut lorrs. as long as ii liike can lerrs. hahax. shiit siia hiim. always saiid all tiis rubbiish dde.
today dunno why whole day moii eye verii swollen lorrs, thiink iishx not eluff slp plus ytd cry bba. soo ugly lorrs. aiiyo. hahax.
tat stupiid piig, pattern more n more liiao lorrs. today ii soo tiired, 11 plus alreadii fall aslp lerrs. dden he 2 plus msg miie askk miie wake upp help hiim pray tat he bet can wiin lorrs. dotx siia. ppl slp till halfway askk ppl wake upp pray. lame siia. but end upp ii oso wake upp help hiim pray but end upp oso lose. omg.
diie. agaiin becum a siiao charbo kept smiliing to moiiself today siia. hahax. omg. let hiim make until crazy, cry n laugh, cry n laugh. yiing oso bth kept scold miie crazy. dden she verii black hearted siia. she saiid she rather ii always sad dden happii coz she scare ii continue liike tiis one day will kana catch iinto mental hospital. shiit her. lame siia. thiink too much liiao.

thiink few more day, wait ii free wanna go dye haiir n perm moii haiir lerrs. dunno wanna perm or not, scare not niice. aiiyo. headaches siia. n oso wan go shoppiing buy lots lots niice niice thiing. hehex.

That's When I Y0u

6:03 AM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

ytd moii mood iishx soo gud n today moii mood iishx soo down. moii mood tiis two day iishx soo biig diifferent. haiis.
ytd nv open moii shop at all dden 7 plus take cab go bugiis fusiion fiind hiim, almost get lost coz the cab driver oso dunno how to go fusiion, dden drop at bugiis junctiion there. lucky got ah tiing to guiide moii way. dden quiite happii at fusiion wiith hiim, althought jus siit there c hiim play billard dden after tat he briing miie to 269 dden siit wiith thiink iishx hiis lau dde bba. dden there once beiing lii siiao bby them coz he pass miie the driink askk miie to open moiiself whiile iim smoke plus ii leave the table verii far away. wanderiing how to open.
dden they saiid hiim, must bbe gentlemen, ladiies fiirst, must help hiis gf open the driink. dden at tat moment ii real paiiseh lorrs. moii face iishx all red n iishx hot hot dde.
dden after tat he goiin paya lebar wiith them dden ii go biig biird fiind tiing they all, dden he call he saiid. "sorrii lehhs, pang sen euu"
miie : nvm larrs, used to iit liiao.
dden forget wat he saiid liiao.
dden before he hangiing upp the fone he saiid.
wen u becum moii gf, how cum ii dunno?
miie : erm. eh. ii oso dunno lehhs.
hiim : k larrs. lata wen euu free euu call miie lorrs.
after hangiing the call, ii was jus liike a iidiiot lorrs. kept smiliing whiile iim walkiing over to biig biird. at cab on the way to lollipop, at lollipop n at yiing house downstair oso, will suddenly kept smiliing to moiiself dde.
ytd we msg wiith each other fer a verii long tiime lorrs. iit's been a verii long tiime we diidnt msg so long wiith each other lerrs.
iim real happii. last msg he saiid dubb niid call n msg hiim lerrs, coz he now goiin back home slp lerrs, tml he wake upp will call miie. tc.
waiited n waiited until today morniing 9 plus dden go slp dden still kept wake upp to check on moii fone. waited all the way until now, no call or sms frm hiim, call hiim once at hiis liine dde num and iit's switch on, dden call the prepaid liine but nv ans, soo worry. msg hiim no reply. dden after awhile call the liine num agaiin, switched on but no ans. soo worry, soo sad lorrs. haiis. at lollipop they siingiing aii yii ge ren hao nan, ii liisten till ii almost criied. thiink of hiim. dden after work n fiiniish our supper dden take cab send iirene they all back fiirst jus niice they will liiviing at the same road, same block n jus hiis house upstaiir. he 9 n iirene 10.
wen reach hiis house downstaiir suddenly thiink of the past, everytiime meet hiim at hiis house downstaiir or go home tog after work wiith hiim. dden after go orchard fetch yiing they all. dden the cab walk past mastafa. make miie thiink of the tiime n the everythiing wiith hiim at mastafa tat niite. realii feel liike cryiing soo much. but kept controlliing.
onlii untill yiing they all get upp the cab not long, moii tears fiinally shedded. especiially the tiimes wen we all open the wiindow moii tears shedded most badly. realii criied soo badly.
haiis. why always giive miie soo short of happiiness dden briing miie back to the sadness agaiin?
and the sadness iishx soo long lorrs. haiis.
fiirst tiime, nv saw hiim n nv heard hiis voiice at all. last tiime quarrel soo badly till nv talk at lease still can c hiim at workplace, until he switch to niite shiift at lease still can heard hiis voiice although iit's always jus a verii short tiime but at lease beta dden nothiing.
today totally nv saw hiim, nv heard hiis voiice, nv even receiive hiis msg. haiis. saiid wat wake upp call miie end up oso dubb haf. left wiith onlii endless waiitiing n diisappoiintment agaiin. haiis. iim soo xiinku liiviing iin paiin everyday liike tiis.
been kept thiinkiing tat he will onlii briing those giirl tat stand places iin hiis heart to 269 bba. but haiis. should wake upp frm dream liiao lorrs. oso dunno how much giirl he briing over liiao bba. even yiing n huii fen oso go before wiith hiim lorrs. haiis.

don't euu know how much ii miiss euu?
dont't euu know how much ii hope to receiive ur's call or jus even a siingle msg?
ii realii love, enjoy n feel happii fer the every moment wiith euu ytd soo much.
could we bbe always liike tat?
ii wanna gonex crazy liiao larrs.
tiis feeliing sux soo much.

That's When I Y0u

7:44 AM

Saturday, June 09, 2007

today wen ii wake upp, ii saw the msg ah kiiat send miie moii miind all blank at tat moment, faster wake up n prepare dden rush down to workplace.
wat ah kiiat sent miie was :
today dubb call or msg ah boy coz he go ssb report. wen he cum out he will call you.

wen ii was at cab ii almost cry out, ii hope he will bbe ok, nothiing will happen to hiim and keep telliing moiiself he will bbe ok dde. wanderiing wat iishx happeniing. hopiing tat all tiis iishx jus a joke, wen ii reach ii can saw hiim ther.
but wen ii get down ii nv saw hiim at all. haiis. until now still nv received a call or sms frm hiim at all.
ii dunno should ii believe or not, coz jus now ah kiiat suddenly saiid wat ah boii still haven wake upp mehhs? dden after tat he saiid ya hors, forget. he go ssb report.
although ii dunno iishx truth or fake. but ii rather all tiis was jus a liie tat they tell miie fer sum reason. maybb ii will get verii angry, upsad, unhappii or sad wen ii found out all iishx jus a liie but at lease let hiim know he iishx safe n nothiing will happen to hiim.

suddenly make miie thiink of the fiirst tiime he get caught. was as worry as now oso. oso almost cry. kept waiiting fer hiis call, wen he call the next morniing ii wake upp straiight to prepare n rush to meet hiim dden go work tog. at cab he tell miie tat he realii hope to call miie at tat moment but he cant all tiis. ii can saiid iim much more worry dden before now, sheddiing tears riight now. heartaches.

nothiing can happen to euu,
euu always bully miie, ii haven bully euu back yet.
ii still haven quarrel enough wiith euu.
alot of thiing we still haven make iit clear yet.
still giive miie soo manii niickname, ii still haven thiink of sum fer euu yet.
owe miie 0.80 cent still haven return yet
nothiing can happen to euu. nothiing.

do euu still rem there once euu promiised miie euu will nv let miie worry agaiin?
but now our's last promise had oso been broken lerrs.
why our's promiises break agaiin n agaiin?
why must promiise always meant to bbe broken?

That's When I Y0u

1:50 AM

Friday, June 08, 2007

today nv work, go find ah kiiat dden around 8 plus meet yiing they all at bugiis. waiitted fer hiim soo long at biig biird. onlii until ii go junctiion lerrs. dden he msg miie saiid he at biig biird lerrs. dden at fiirst wanna go back but yiixiin they all dubb wan. dden yiing kept sayiing hiis name here n there to lii siiao miie.
dden suddenly ah toot askk miie saiid why lehhs? you wanna go back meet xiiang ho arx? he at there lehhs. make miie kiinda paiiseh lorrs.
at fiirst mood still not bad dde. until he saiid ii ps hiim. dunno why hiis tiis word make moii mood turned bad. ii at junctiion there kept tell yiing lorrs, wen diid ii ps hiim siia? ii where got? ii had nv ps hiim before dde lorrs. everytiime iishx he ps miie lorrs.
dden after tat he call n askk miie go over biig biird fer awhile saiid got thiing askk miie. dden yiing peii miie go, whiile walkiing over, ii almost criied out fer wat he saiid as ii ps hiim lorrs. haiis. after tat moii mood had nv becum gud agaiin lerrs.
after tat take bus go home wiith tiing, dden fiirst passby kk hospital, make miie thiink of wat he saiid iin the past.
he saiid, liive at hiis house verii gud, iinfront iishx kk hospital wan giive biirth oso verii near.
dden passby newton food centre. make miie thiink back the tiime he briing miie over to eat, and there was the place ii throw away wiith eddy dde riing.
still rem wen we at outside smokiing n yiing talkiing on the fone. dden ii dunno do wat dden almost fall down, he hold miie back dden end up cause hiimself abiit iinjure. dden he tell miie. he can hold miie once mean can hold miie back forever dde.

tiing tell miie, sumtiime thiing can jus bbe kept as a memoriies.
dden tiing askk miie,
tiing : you n hiim how lerrs?
miie : liike tat lorrs.
tiing : you n hiim no hope lerrs mehhs?
miie : dunno, thiink so bba.
tiing : dden giive upp on hiim lorrs, aniiwae you dubb leck of guy wat.
dden ii kept silence. . . .

yup, wat tiing saiid iishx truth but. . . . none of them can ever replace hiim iin moii heart.
haiis.
after reviiew back the msg iin msn, kept thiink back of the past, and hiis every words. wenever all those memoriies cum to moii miind, moii tears jus feel liike droppiing.

no longer the giirl he wanna jiio lerrs iishx iit oso mean no longer the giirl he love lerrs?

That's When I Y0u

12:40 AM

Thursday, June 07, 2007

today wake upp around 3 plus dden at fiirst goiin tiiong bahru plaza meet sharon they all dde. but end upp nv coz niid go down to moii workplace to take sumthiing. dden after prepare n moii lunch go meet yiixiin at plaza dden go down to moii workplace dden at there slack awhile dden help hiim n kiiat buy thiing eat.
they realii wan miie diie siia. kiiat wan eat dde thiing at lor 12 dden he wan eat dde at lor 16. ii frm lor 20 walk to lor 12 dden walk back to lor 16 dden walk back to lor 20. so tiired lorrs. dden stay and rest fer awhile around 7 plus dden go bugiis.
sayiing iim tiired, niid rest. but all iishx jus a excuse larrs. jus tat ii wanna c hiim longer. haiis. funnii siia. dunno why recently keep feel liike cryiing soo much. haiis.
today 11 plus wen ii at lollipop work dden he got call ii soo happii lorrs. thank fer ur's call.
today lollipop manager iirene wanted to add on moii workiing days at lollipop n allow miie to start at 11.
but realii dunno wan or not, although can earn more larrs. but fiirstly, liike tat verii tiired dde siia. secondly, moii tiime verii rush. but most iimportant iishx ii get more lesser to c hiim. now he changed to niite shiift alreadii verii less tiime to c hiim liiao. but ii still can try to stay till 11 plus to try moii luck, sumtiime miight still get to c hiim fer awhile but iif ii realii work lerrs, where got the tiime to waiit fer hiim siia? haiis. dunno wat to do. headaches.
haiis. wanna go slp lerrs. tml dden update bba. soo tiired.

That's When I Y0u

4:08 AM

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

2 more days to go and iim siingle fer 3 months lerrs.
iin tiis 3 mths been gonex thru
so manii hurt,
so manii heartaches;
so manii sadness;
so manii endless waitiing n diisappoiintment;
so manii regret
&
been shedded so manii tears;
over he n hiim.
ii know he still love miie;
but
ii still love hiim.
ii know he still waiitiing fer miie;
but
ii still waiitiing fer hiim.
ii know he feel regret toward miie;
but
ii onlii feel so regret toward hiim.
miie n he jus waiitiing fer a miiracle.
haiis.

ii realii dunno,

wen iishx the startiing poiint

neither

do ii know wen iishx the endiing poiint.

who will ii bbe wiith

wen ii cum to the endiing poiint?

would iit bbe one of them

would iit bbe a new guy iin moii liife?

but as fer now,

the one ii wanna bbe wiith

wen ii cum to endiing poiint

iishx onlii hiim

but

how am ii gotta expect hiim to love miie agaiin

wen

iim so overboard iin the past?

haiis.

ever siince ii reviiew the msg he wrote to miie at msn,

ii had nv feel happii agaiin lerrs.

recently,

endless waiitiing n diisappoiintment

seem liike cumiing back to miie lerrs.

haiis.

end up,

happiiness still as the same.

cum n gonex.

iit jus wun last.

iit jus takiing moii smile away agaiin n agaiin.

haiis.

iindeed,

ii should bbe happii wen ii saw hiim today,

but

ii diidnt.

moii mood jus get even more down.

jus feel liike we are soo diifferent frm the past.

the words we talk iishx less den 10 sentences bba.

iindeed,

wen he saiid

now all oso dubb have lerrs

onlii left miie.

ii should oso bbe happii

but

ii oso diidnt.

iit's was liike ii feel real sorrii to hiim

wen ii used to take hiim fer granted.

today,

ah kiiat frenz saiid

miie n hiim got couple look.

look so aliike.

haiis.

ii had nv heard tiis word fer quiite sumtiime lerrs.

still rem iin the past,alot of ppls used to saiid the same thiing

liike wat ah kiiat frenz had saiid jus now.

hiis joke today,

jus cant make miie smiile.

wenever ii saw hiim,

iit's make miie recalled of the past.

today,

heard hiim askiing siiao kiia to help hiim look fer drug.

ii feel real sad,

real angry.

diidnt wan to talk to hiim

but end up,

ii tell moiiself ii shouldnt get angry.

coz

fiirstly,

iit miight not fer hiimself.

secondly,

ii miight miisunderstand,

iit miight not referiing to drug.

lastly,

now, iim no longer aniione to hiim.

ii had no riight to care,

no riight to angry.

today he diisturb miie,

say ii sure wun afraiid of dog dde.

coz ii used to bbe tog wiith a dog fer so long.

dden ii told yiing,

now ii iin love wiith a kapo lehhs.

dden yiing wanted to tell hiim.

ii faster pull her away.

ii askk her dubb say,

dden she askk miie:

"euu n hiim no hope liiao mehhs?"

ii repliies

"ii dunno,

should bbe no hope lerrs bba.

but at lease ii still wanna remaiin as a frenz wiith hiim."

haiis.

ytd,

change the foto we took recently as moii hp screen saver.

today,

kept feel liike cryiing so much,

especiially wen ii saw tat foto.

thiink tiis will bbe the last foto we took tog lerrs bba.

iit's seem liike representiing the end.

tat foto n our's fiirst foto,

at the same place.

as the same,

the most oriigiinal miie,

wiith no make-up.

all other's foto we took tog ii all got make-upp dde.

ii seldom take foto wiithout make-upp dde.

onlii the fiirst n tiis.

still rem wen he askk miie to take tat foto,

at fiirst ii dubb wan

dden he told miie,

jus one onlii,

take iit as a memoriies.

haiis.

iit was all moii fault.

iit iim the one blowiing all off wiith moii hand.

wat lefted over was

onlii regret.

our's fiirst foto taken on 18 mar o7

our's last foto taken on 25 may o7

iit's been soo long siince the last tiime we took foto tog on the 22 march o7.

moii heartaches soo much wen ii saw tiis foto.

haiis.

iit's been a verii long tiime siince the last tiime ii criied

whiile;

typiing moii post.

today,

agaiin moii tears shedded.

FATE BRING US TOGETHER

TEAR US APART

JUS AFTER A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.

That's When I Y0u

1:31 AM

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

today cant have a gud slp at all, wake upp several tiime iin between. wake upp at 1.30 liike tat coz ii slp until pek chye. haiis. ytd niite he called miie talk fer awhile dden saiid call miie back lata. but end upp oso dubb have. haiis. oso dunno kept waiitiing fer hiis call, kept wakiing upp to c got sms or miissed call anot fer wat siia. haiis. miing miing zii dao ta bu huii dao laii dde wo haii zaii deng shen mo? haiis.
today before go out nothiing to do dden go viiew our's msn chat log. ii was smiliing to moiiself whiile readiing lorrs. how silly ii am siia. dden suddenly saw a msg he send to miie at msn on april 8 moii mood totally changed n ii almost blurst out to tears.
he wrote :
i won`t brk my promise anymore le
n i will try nt make u cry anymore
n won`t make u sad
n try dun quarrel with u
luv u

after ii fiiniish readiing thiis part, iim soo down. been kept thiinkiing wat the fuck ii'm doiing? he alreadii giive iin soo much lerrs, alreadii saiid thiing till liike tiis lerrs. why ii dunno how to treasure? why must ii break moii promiises? why must ii bbe the one to request hiim to promiise miie soo much whiile iim the one tat break all moii promiises? why must ii go dragonfly tat niite? why am ii beiing soo selfiish soo unfaiir to hiim? wat riight do ii have to blame hiim or angry wiith hiim wen iim the one tat break the promiises fiirst? why onlii until now dden fiinally realiise all the miistakes ii had made?
ii realii feel liike beiing alone and thiink everythiing throughly soo deciided to take bus go work. stupiid. long tiime nv take bus. today take bus dden feel verii uncomfortable lorrs. dden suddenly he called. haiis. beiing kiiat bby wendy niid soo biig reactiion mehhs? haiis. feel soo uneasy lorrs. haiis. even more pek chye. but at the same tiime c hiim kana kiiat ii oso feel quiite happii, coz the thiing he saiid all tiis verii cute lorrs. hahax. but jus feel uneasy over hiis reactiion soo biig fer her thiing. arrghs.
crazy. dunno wat iim thiinkiing siia. haiis.
iim real real real regretted now arx.

why why why why why ? ? ? ? ?

haiis. aniione can teach miie wat to do?
hate moiiself soo much. .
ii'm realii soo stupiid siia.
no wander always saiid ii stupiid.
ii thiink ii properly bbe a moron larrs.
go bang wall diie beta siia.
liive iin tiis world oso no use dde siia.

so so so so so
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid ! ! ! ! !

That's When I Y0u

12:09 AM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

erm. feeliing verii tiired now. diidnt have a gud slp ytd niite. thiink today will slp verii early bba. had a verii weiird dream ytd niite but cant realii rem lerrs. iin moii memoriies tat dream quiite weiird n scary dde lorrs.
after soo manii day, fiinally get to c hiim. but jus fer a while larrs. feel liike soo not eluff lorrs. realii not used to iit lorrs. last tiime can c hiim soo manii hours. now most of the tiime oso cant get to c hiim, even can oso for few miin niia. heard tat liike not goiin to open the iinternet cafe iin the afternoon aniimore lerrs. haiis. liike tat thiink he will always work at niite lerrs bba. siianx.
k larrs. stop here bba. tiired lerrs. short fer today bba.

That's When I Y0u

12:57 AM

Saturday, June 02, 2007

3 day nv update moii blog lerrs wors. tiis few day always morniing dden reach home, soo tiired. tuesday niite go zouk wiith sharon n yong weii they all, dden saw jef, er zii n dalton there. but zouk tat day verii siianz lorrs. soo manii ppls, soo packed siia. dden after tat go back geylang hotel fiind yiing n xiin dden tat stupiid leng xiiang ho cum upp, make until ii wanna crazy lorrs. arrghs. around 7 plus dden ii wanna go home lerrs, dden at fiirst they plan to stay till 1pm dden check out dde but end up they go wiith miie dden go check the other hotel dde priice iin case they wanna rent hotel agaiin. dden after tat go lorong 20, moii workplace there dde coffee shop driink water n peii xiin eat, dden askk tat stupiid xiiang ho cum out dden we at there talk cock. hahax. 8 plus dden reach home. dden go slp lerrs. soo tiired.
dden wednesday at lollipop work lorrs. soo busy siia. full house siia. coz a company held a party at lollipop, and alot of moii frenz cumiing down oso. one table iishx kelviin kor kor n hiis frenz, one iishx sharon, yong weii they all, one iishx xiiao fei, yvonne they all, one iishx da boii n wen jun and one iishx k.k and hiis frenz. plus a few table iishx moii regular customer. driink alot siia. and all the table iishx open bottle dde lorrs. after work still go 97.
fiinally can go iin lerrs. hahax. no regret lerrs. dragonfly, momo, zouk, all go before lerrs. now even 97 the place ii most angry coz ii cannot enter dde ii oso go before lerrs. hahax. now onlii left mos onlii.
dden wednesday oso morniing dden reach home dden go slp. siiao. continue liike tat ii sure diie dde siia. haiis. soo thursday go home damn early. today oso nv go out. deciided lerrs, tiis week sat, sun thiink mon n tue oso dubb wanna go out lerrs. stay at home rest bba. buey tahan lerrs.

haiis. iishx thiing realii getting beta fer miie n hiim? so so confused. dunno wat to do. dunno wat to say. wednesday ii crazy lorrs. ii kept calliing hiim darliing lorrs. iit's been soo long ever siince our's last seriious quarrel ii nv call hiim darling lorrs.
but at the same tiime oso fiinally realiise ii still used to call hiim darliing dden aniithiing else. still liike calliing hiim darliing more. iit's was liike back to the past. miiss the past soo much siia. recently iim soo happii, mood jus soo gud. but wanderiing wen will these happiiness ended? can we bbe always liike tiis? haiis. afraiid to lost all tiis now.

That's When I Y0u

2:46 AM