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Friday, June 22, 2007

quiite a few day ii diidnt update moii blog liiao. haiis. iin tiis few day soo much thiing happen, iim soo down, soo unhappii recently, had realii break down completely liiao.
21 of june morniing, as usual meet yiing after work frm lollipop. tat day he knock off frm work verii early, he called miie at around 6 and we talk fer awhile, dden he reach home lerrs, he oso got use hiis house fone to call miie. & we still talk verii happiily, still saiid wanna share go buy 4d. buy 3 num tat related to both of us. 8990, 0811 & 2117. our's year, month & day of biirth. after the talk wiith hiim.
miie n yiing was talkiing all along, suddenly, ii kept verii quiiet n was thiinkiing abt sumthiing, ii dunno why suddenly, tiis kiinda of thiing cum to miind. and ii told yiing, although ii been always sayiing tat ii rather he would told miie honestly wen he fiind hiimself a new gf or he patched wiith anii of hiis ex, but iif one day, he realii do soo, ii dunno how iim goiin to face all tiis fact and wat ii should do, wat ii should saiid n how ii will becum.
dden go had a talk wiith yiixiin n iit's been a long tiime tat the 7 siista gather tog. quiite treasure all tat moment larrs. coz now iit's was gettiing more n more hard to have the 7 of us gatheriing tog lerrs.
dden before ii went to lollipop n work tat tiime, moii mood iishx still verii gud, coz haviing a happii tiimes msg-ing and talkiing on fone wiith hiim. and he still askk miie to go over n look fer hiim after work.
tat niite, ii workiing at lollipop n ii alreadii get rather hiigh verii early lerrs. coz the every cup of driink agsen pour fer miie was rather thiick, and iishx all bottom upp.
and wen iim rather hiigh, ii criied verii badly, ii called yiing n ii criied badly wiithout telliing her wat happen. ii dunno why suddenly ii criied as moii mood iishx still soo gud iin the fiirst place. perhaps, tiis iishx coz of all the hurts n paiin frm wat happen recently tat ii haf hiide n kept iin the deepest part of moii heart fer soo long bba. onlii wen iim rather hiigh, ii cant bluff moiiself aniimore, ii cant fiind anii excuse to covered upp all the sadness. moii heart get even more soble n briing miie to face the fact and c everythiing clearly.
ii dunno why ii suddenly felt liike calliing hiim whiile iim talkiing and cryiing to yiing, and ii called hiim. the fiirst word he saiid wen he piick upp the fone was why am ii cryiing? ii deny, coz ii diidnt wan to let hiim know tat iim cryiing. and ii triied soo hard to act liike iim not cryiing, but iindeed moii tears was droppiing non stop.
dden ii called yiing back and ii criied even more badly, fiinally ii stopped moii tears and ii went back to work and once ii stepped iin the song ii heard was aii haii tao tao. and ii started to cry agaiin. haiis.
sumtiime ii hope ii could driink till iim rather hiigh coz onlii wen iim hiigh dden ii could realii criied all out completely, dubb niid to kept all tiis soo hard iin moii heart.
after work, ii called hiim askiing hiim he wan miie to go down n look fer hiim mahhs. he saiid dubb niid. and dunno why moii tears dropped agaiin n ii was liike breakiing down n ii dubb even know wat iim sayiing. haiis.
dden went back to panjang n meet yiing, she told miie he not worth fer miie to cry fer hiim, ii should forget hiim. all tiis same old word tat ii been heardiing iit fer plenty of tiimes n oso wat ii had been sayiing fer plenty of tiimes. but sayiing was easy but doiin iit was hard, ii oso hope ii wun ever drop a tears frm hiim, ii oso hope ii could forget hiim but iit's jus soo hard. haiis.
went home and talk to xiin fer a while on fone, talkiing abt miie n hiim dde thiing, and ii was cryiing whiile talkiing wiith her. haiis.
dden fiinally can get moiiself to slp, and dden he msg miie on the 22 of june morniing, hiis msg totally make miie break down completely.
he saiid askk miie dubb contact hiim fer tiis few day coz he not iin a gud mood n askk miie dubb askk why. and ii replies ii not gotta askk why or to call hiim or msg hiim. dden he replies 4get iit, fuck, forever dubb contact larrs, go forget hiim n find other.
moii tears jus scrolled down automatiiclly. moii heart was soo paiin wen ii saw hiim sayiing tiis. dden ii repliies wat larrs, he now wan quarrel iishx iit? iishx he the one tat suddenly msg miie n tell miie all tiis still askk miie dubb askk why dden wat expect miie to do? keep askiing why or keep calliing n msg hiim?
he diidnt reply.
and ii msg hiim one more msg,
haiis, wan contact or dubb wan upp to euu larrs, euu happii euu everytiime cum saiid ii nv call or msg euu, not happii dden cum ask miie dubb contact euu. ii realii dunno wat euu wan n thiinkiing now,ii realii verii tiired of guessiing wat euu wan n thiinkiing. ii realii dunno continue liike tat ii can hang on how long. ytd miie alreadii gonex crazy once kept cryiing n cryiing fer the whole niite, jus wen moii mood get a biit beta euu cum say tiis ii realii dunno wat to do liiao. the most half to one more month tiime ii will bbe leaviing geylang lerrs. thiink of treasuriing the tiime wiith euu all recently. but now euu wan liike tiis, wat euu realii wan siia? ii dubb wan guess liiao.
dden he repliies,
aiiya, jus dubb contact fer one week larrs. fuckiing no mood, jus lose 1200. who oso dubb wan contact.
dden ii repliies haiis. upp to euu.
and after tat wen ii went to work, iim soo fuckiing bad mood, c who oso not happii, no matter do wat oso pek chye.
even wen workiing at lollipop ii oso no mood to work, no mood to driink oso, jus kept siittiing at moii regular customer table. but diidnt talk much wiith them ytd oso. dubb even have the mood to joke wiith iirene they all liike how ii used to bbe. kept takiing out moii fone to c iishx ther anii miiss call or msg frm hiim. but everytiime iishx oso diisappoiinted.
after work realii feel liike goiin back home soo much, but iirene they all kept pulling miie to orchard tower top 5 to club. and all the way until morniing but all along still kept waiitiing fer hiis msg but fer the whole niite, not even one msg n call frm hiim at all. haiis.
dden after club went over to pek kiio market to eat, went over to the place tat ii dubb hope to go soo much, dden after supper still send iirene them back bby cab dden went over to hiis house downstaiir. haiis. all the memoriies there cum to moii miind realii feel liike cryiing soo much, dden kept fiindiing thiing fer miie to do to help miie forget everythiing, go call yiing, talk to yiing and fiinally hold moii tears back. haiis.
wen ii reach home, ii talk to yiing abt hiis matter, dden ii msg hiim,
ii alreadii know euu lose alot till euu even pawn ur gold chaiin lerrs. pls liisten to our's adviise stop gambliing liiao. owe soo much money lerrs, stop addiing on to ur debt. work hard now to return slowly, all along ii askk euu to promiise miie not to gamble iishx coz ii know euu gamble wun know ur liimiit and stop dde. even let everyone saiid ii selfiish ii oso iinsist to do so coz ii realii dubb wan to c the thiing happen now to happen but ii regret as ii make our relationshiip so worst. and euu back to the old euu. and the thiing ii dubb wish to c happened. euu know miie n kiiat iishx realii damn worry abt euu and at the same tiime we are damn diisappoiinted coz iin the past no matter wat we saiid euu jus dubb seem to liisten. wat euu do n saiid euu had nv thiink of moii feeliing. euu dunno how worry ii am lorrs. no matter weii lerrs miie or ur own gud pls dubb gamble liiao. after tiis msg ii wun contact euu lerrs. waiit euu feel liike contactiing miie dden euu call or msg miie bba. as fer tiis msg euu wan reply or not upp to euu. no matter euu wan reply or not jus hope euu go thiink properly. take care.
end upp he oso nv reply. but iit's all expected larrs.
dden after tat ii go check friiendster dden ii go viiew hiis friiendster, the comment ii wrote to hiim no longer there liiao. haiis. agaiin beiing deleted. but iit's oso expected larrs n iim numb wiith iit lerrs coz iit's not the fiirst tiime lerrs.

today until now still nv receiive anii call or sms frm hiim, ii can bluff everyone, can smile iinfront of everyone. but ii cant bluff moiiself, two day nv contact wiith hiim ii realii not used to iit, iit's liike sumthiing iishx missiing and ii realii miiss hiim damn lots. ii cant take iit aniimore, before although our's relatiionshiip iishx not tat gud but at lease he still bother to call miie, to sms miie. but now ii totally cant take iit lerrs. iim completely break down.
wander will he oso felt not used to iit iin tiis two day tiime? hahas. iim jus dreamiing. thiinkiing tiis iishx totally iimpossiible. haiis.

thiink iit's gud fer miie to fall fer other n 4get hiim bba. but will iit's realii bbe tat easy. can a guy realii do soo much thiing tat he used to do to touches moii heart?
to miie, until now ii still thiink tat no1 can even bbe as gud as hiim, do soo much n giive iin soo much to a unreasonable giirl liike how he diid iin the past. haiis.

are euu realii goiin to let moii hand off completely tiis tiime round?
are euu realii wan miie to forget euu n fiind other?

ii had completely break down,
coz euu seem liike realii leaviing tiis tiime round
&
ever siince the moment euu seem liike leaviing,
moii strengh fer miie to hang on gonex oso..
coz euu are moii onlii strengh to hang on.

will euu bbe back agaiin?
or
euu gotta leave miie alone here?

That's When I Y0u

5:45 AM